Monday, September 15, 2008

Yes But

I appreciated Gillette's post today called The Rubberband Drug.

It's a good and simple post about investing our time, energy, and heart in a love interest--when that yearning for connection excitement is so appealing and leaves us wanting more and more until the object of our desire simply ups and disappears. Dammit, I hate when that happens! It happened to me recently, yet again, with the same man who's done the same thing to me before, more than once, and it's confusing. It hurts.

Gillette talks about the lesson she's learned about how to deal with this unfortunate turn of events and it's "Blame no one." She encourages those in this situation to simply feel and accept the truth of what is. Reminds me of the book "He's Just Not That Into You." Because people who truly care about you simply don't just disappear from your life without saying goodbye (unless they've been kidnapped!) without letting you know what's going on for them and why they need to take a hiatus from the relationship.

And I'm tired of my own yes buts... "I know he loves me, he is just so preoccupied; he is an awesome guy, he is just emotionally immature; he is confused and doesn't understand how to sustain complicated relationships; I promised to be gentle with his soft underbelly when he exposed it to me..." A good friend of mine, a man, recently said to me "A good man would never do to a woman what this man has done to you. Even when I was young and immature I never behaved like that."

Gillette says, "Focus, focus, focus on their actions...not what I want, not my dreams, my desires, my wishes, my fantasies, my wanting connection, my heart opening. Release, release, release. See what is instead of what I want. And remember that I do not want to waste my feelings, my time, my energy where they're not cherished and reciprocated."

There is a fine line balance between keeping one's heart open to another with compassion and curiosity to understand even when they treat you badly and simply being a pathetic fool. I've been releasing, releasing, releasing and experiencing my balance returning. It's not like I don't have an exceptionally full and blessed life because I do. I'm a very lucky girl. Very lucky indeed. And I have so many incredible people clamouring for my attention, I grow weary of wasting it on someone who doesn't make an effort to reciprocate my affections.

2 comments:

Greenwoman said...

((hugs)) Good for you my friend.

Adrienne Parker said...

Thanks Greenwoman. As Gillette said, it's not about them, it's about us. Physician heal thyself.