Monday, September 15, 2008

Locked Lips and Deep Thrusts of Yearning Intention

Once again talking with a friend. This time it's about the "natural" sexual decline of long term "happily" married couples. Isn't that the way the story goes, what so many women and men at first struggle with, and then eventually come to expect and then willingly, if only half heartedly accept of their committed relationships? As time goes by the inclination for sexual adventure starts to cool and the libido loosens it's grip. Eventually the passionate embrace, the locked lips and deep thrusts of yearning intention to penetrate the lover's body, mind and soul yields to the complacent goodnight kiss, a sweet peck on the lips combined with nonchalant spooning while drifting off to sleep?

Is this the doom and destiny, the path that wedded bliss must devolve into? Who wrote this script? To each their own but this is not a path I've chosen for myself. Of course, I am aware of many middle aged, long term married couples who still enjoy a hot sex life and are committed to retaining their juiciness as they grow older together. And I'm extremely curious as to their secrets for sustaining their sexual identities and keeping sexual love a priority in their lives.

And this is not just related to middle age and beyond. Many young couples lose their sexual desire for one another. And I'm not talking about those who have fallen out of love and are stuck in miserable relationships they are still, for one reason or another, committed to maintaining or are simply too lazy or depressed or confused to know how to extract themselves from. In the relationships I'm speaking of the in love feeling is often gone (or in hiding) but certainly not always and the obvious love and commitment to their partner as well as to the relationship remains strong.

And of course I talk with friends. I talk with clients. I read books. And I know what my husband and I do that seems to encourage this in love feeling and keeps our sexual juices flowing. So yes, I have my theories. Of course we are all individuals so different strategies work for different people and some work better than others. I will be writing more about this but it's late right now and I have to be up early in the morning...

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