Wednesday, August 19, 2009

More On The One-Penis-Policy

Mistress Matisse has, it seems, received a lot of fallout from her One Penis Policy, column in Seattle's Stranger, that I linked too a few days ago.

It's just that I resonate with so much of what she has to say about relationships in general and polyamorous relationships specifically. Here's a quote from her new post today regarding this fallout:

"...Frankly, I think that type of attitude should not be dignified with the name polyamory.

If the original piece pissed you off, what I’m going to say now will really inflame you: Just because two people are engaged in a certain system of behavior does not make it “all right, because it’s their choice.” There actually is such a thing as a bad personal choice.

So yes, I do think there are better ways and worse ways to run a relationship. Outside of consensual D/s, I think it’s inherently better to have as few “rules” as possible for other adult human beings that one is having an equal partnership with. I think that’s being controlling – not in the sexy way – and I think it negatively impacts both people involved.

I think if there’s an obvious inequity in the relationship, it should at the very least be openly discussed, and it should be a goal for both people to bring about a change to that.

And I think the basis for the One Penis Policy is basically insecurity and sexism.

Now, feeling of insecurity and sexism are both pretty common (to both men and women), and neither of those things makes someone a Bad Person. But they are traits that can be changed, and being less insecure and less sexist will make someone a better person.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Still Juicy

Back from Juicy Women.

Molly likes to stretch out on her yoga ball. She loves the way it opens her yoni. The other day while she was stretching her husband came over and started eating her pussy as she rocked back and forth. They enjoyed this for a good long time and then just as they started fucking a friend showed up at their front door--which they had left open, seeing that they hadn't planned on having sex and weren't expecting any visitors! Molly was mostly out of view although her husband was not after he dropped down, allowing his shirt to cover his genitals. He smiled and said hello to the friend as she returned his greeting and explained she was just picking something up and was quickly on her way.

Lena has been feeling intense sadness, isolation and loneliness. As she told us her story we witnessed her pain and held her in our hearts. By the time group was over she felt much more connected and happy.

Rosemary is on a pretty even keel. She's happy and content with her husband...mostly. She's happy and content with her lover...mostly. She'd like more contact with her lover. More time to relax into their relationship and more time to relax into sex. When they finally do spend time together she is just starting to open up to herself about the same time they are saying good-bye. This makes her edgy and this edginess spills over and interferes with her sexual availability with her husband.

Randi is back, once again with her married lover. They keep breaking up and getting back together, breaking up and getting back together...They are totally in-love and caught up in New Relationship Energy. They are having sex just about everyday and she is having the most incredible orgasms of her life. They want to be together but he doesn't want to deal with the pain of breaking up his 30+ year marriage and all the social consequences he will suffer. Randi is willing to have a polyamorous relationship with him but he can't imagine that. This leaves them sneaking around and cheating.

Pema is still with her guy. Loving him. Confused about where it is all going. Not having her needs met sexually as she is still choosing to be monogamous with him although they are living many hours apart and hardly ever see each other...not that he meets her needs sexually when they are together. She's tired of putting energy out for others, drained, needing to be rejuvenated, loved, filled.

Ana is still in love with her long distance guy and slowly letting him go. He isn't ready to commit to the intensity of their love affair, plus he has an intense sexual issue that he has no clue how to deal with and the timing is simply not good for them to be connecting on a frequent and intimate basis. She is sad over this but is enjoying her life full on. She has another lover who is in a committed relationship with a woman who won't have sex with him so he and Ana are taking their sexual pleasure with each other. She says he is a really nice man who has an awesome cock and beautiful body but that she still needs to teach him a few things about pleasing her.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Love Story

I remember Pema always saying that men are much simpler than women are when it comes to love, that their needs in love relationships are less complicated than a woman's needs.

When it comes to love, I am a complicated woman. To be sure. I yearn to be claimed, possessed by the men I love. If I love a man who is reluctant to claim me, who is not overcome with passion to possess me and who does not act on this passion, I suffer endlessly. My heart breaks. I become distraught with dissatisfaction.

But be sure, if a man in his self-righteous sense of importance, perceives my time and attention as anything less than a gift, my availability as something that is in anyway owed him, or somehow his right--if he suggests a possessive claim on me, my desire for him diminishes. My passion fails. I balk at his arrogance and lose interest.

And jealousy? Well, a little jealously can be a good thing as it suggests attachment to the love bond, an acknowledgment of the significance of the relationship. But beware, feeling a little (or even a lot) of jealousy momentarily is one thing, while acting on it in some obvious and overt way is extremely unattractive and off-putting.

All this a fine line for a man to walk. A very fine line. I understand. Like I said, I am a complicated woman.

And then again, it's just a story. A good story. A true story. But nevertheless, just a story. Not to make light of it. No, not at all.

One Penis Policy

Mistress Matisse writes about One Penis Policy in Seattle's, The Stranger, Control Tower.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Contrast of Here and There

This morning I woke feeling jealous of how some people have really managed to pull it off--jumping into their whole polyamorous, extended family, busy, adventurous, love filled, complicated lives, with peace and grace.

Breathing and practicing appreciating the glory of what I have created myself. Damn, sometimes it's difficult not going to the grass is always greener place.

Looking for some inspiration today in handling the contrast of where I am and where I want to be.