Sunday, August 26, 2007

Six Days

The Man burns in 6 days! We leave for the playa today! We've just finished packing the u-haul and truck for tonight. In the morning, everything left goes into the car and we leave the house in the hands of our children (ages 20 and 21) for 9 days. For now, I'm off to some much needed sleep. I'll post some interesting stuff upon my return--sometime after labor day.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

100 Husbands

I'm laying on the couch and Jerry is rubbing my feet while I blog. He bought me some Shatavari tinture today. Shatavari is an auruvedic word that translates to "she who possesses 100 husbands." It's a sweet and bitter herb that balances the pitta dosha. It increases positivity, healing power and spiritual love. There is an incredible amount of information out on this herb and here is just a nip of it:
*Increases libido--aphrodisiac.
*Balances the female hormonal system.
*Nourishes and cleanses the blood and the female reproductive organs.
*A healthy choice both menopausal and post-menopausal women.
*laxative*Antacid* Good for the eyes and muscles.
*Balances all bodily fluids.
*Good for dehydration.
* Good for harsh environmental conditions
I'm ready to give it a try as soon as I get to Burningman. We leave in just 3 days! We'll arrive in Reno with plenty of time for me to gamble a little. I hope to play a little blackjack if I'm brave enough. I'll have to update myself on the rules, otherwise I know I'll end up being too intimidated.

My eldest grandbaby, Lulu, turns 10 years old tomorrow. So does my kitty.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nothing Brilliant

I apoligize for not posting more lately but I've been too busy living my life. I want to blog but I've been busy everyday until I'm bone tired and can't keep my eyes open. We leave for the playa in 5 days! It's a gathering and packing and shopping and listing and figuring it all out with camp mates frenzy. Half of the joy of Burningman is the preparation. It's a lot of work but worth it. Tonight as I kissed my mom goodnight she said to me, "You work hard to play." Yes indeed.

In the midst of all this I've started back to work this week at the community college too. And I've been trying to get my mom hooked up with home health care and taking care of a variety of her other needs as well as my own.

Life is good. I'll be back with some incredible Burningman stories soon too. Well, I'll post more before I leave but don't expect anything brilliant from me these days. Sorry.

But Rob Brezsny gifted my in-box tonight and he offered this which is brilliant:
"A religious person is one who contributes to the world some beauty,
some joy, some happiness, some celebration that was not there before."-Osho
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
Man in his present state has as much desire to urinate as he has
to make vows to Artemis," says Edward Dahlberg in *The Sorrows of
Priapus.* In other words, most modern humans have no relationship with
wild female deities, nor would they ever conceive of a reason why that
might be fun or inspiring. But some of us know that Artemis is not
dead,is not just a figment of the archaic Greek mind. She is a living
archetype of wild but nurturing female energy. Goddess of the ever-changing moon,
strong protectress of the undomesticated soul, she gives sanctuary to
all who prize liberated fertility. Make a vow to her.
I vow to Shewhobehot, a living archetype of wild and nurturing female energy, strong protectress of the undomesticated soul,sanctuary to liberated fertility--to release my rebel lover Shewhobehot. To create sanctuary for her and for the rebel lover in others.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Good Story. Awhile back when Gillette was in Italy she discovered these "master words" or "power words" of the universe and posted about them. Isn't that the way it went Gillette? Anyway, I was intrigued and there was this e-book to download and I read what I could find out about them. One of the master words was "Reach" which related to finding lost things. If you are trying to recall something you have forgotten, or find an item you have lost, you are to speak this word out loud while visualizing the lost thing. If it is a memory you're trying to grasp you would just intend to remember and then let go of the effort and release it to the universe. Well this is my memory and interpretation on how to use this "master word" anyway.

Right after I discovered this word I was looking for my umbrella. I had searched EVERYWHERE and it was just gone. It seemed as if I had exhausted all of my searching options when I remembered to use the word. I said "Reach" out loud while picturing myself grasping the umbrella. I immediately thought to look in a certain place and there it was. The umbrella was in my hand in less than 10 seconds!

Today my daughter was searching for a little lost tin that held her money, id, etc. She had searched EVERYWHERE and was getting upset, feeling frantic. At first I told her to pray to Saint Anthony because he was the one I turned to in the past as the "power finder" of lost things. I'd used his services since I was a teenager and he had come through for me many times. She laughed and I said--do you want to find your tin or not? She said a little prayer to Saint Anthony and kept looking. Then I remembered "Reach" and I started telling her and her friend about the "master words." I instructed her to say "Reach" out loud while envisioning her tin. She did as I instructed and found her tin in about 3 seconds flat! She had just prayed to Saint Anthony so I didn't want to leave him out of this story as he probably influenced the outcome too.

Try it sometime and let me know how it works for you.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Another Day

We leave for the playa in nine days! Driving to Reno next Sunday, spending the night at the Sands Hotel and then up at 4:00 am to head out to the playa. If I recall correctly it's approximately a two and one half hour drive from Reno, going 45 mph. Our sweet little 6 cylinder Honda Accord treats us well pulling so much weight so we try to baby her as much as we can. Fortunately our friend, Patrick, is coming with us this year and will be hauling a good portion of our weight. This is his virgin year and I'm happy to be helping to initiate a virgin. Burningman is such a special treat.

Wow, what a day. Another one. Up at 7:15 to drive into the mountains for a dyad communication with my friend and he wasn't home! Damn. He forgot about me. I picked a flower for the beautiful marble Buddha that sits in his garden and drove home. I had a dozen errands to run again today, including picking up a raised toilet seat with handles for my mom. My daughter-in-law has been spending a lot of time with her lately so I left it for her to install. I'm so appreciative of the many willing and helping hands available at this point in her life. I picked up some flea medicine for my kitty and applied it the best I could while Jerry helped to keep her from biting and scratching me. She was born a feral cat in the park and has her birthday the same day and year as my eldest grand baby who will turn ten years old in one week. In fact, another thing I accomplished today was wrapping all of her presents to send off to her in the mail on Monday. She is my sweetheart girl. Happy birthday Lulu, aka Lew, LuLu Bell and Buddhalu.

I'm decorating a pair of jeans for Burningman and I worked on them a bit today too. I'm really liking the way they are turning out. I've done all I can on them with the sewing machine and now I need to get out the needle and thread and complete the rest by hand. They will keep me warm and in playa style at night.

I connected with my friend later in the day for our Janus Dyad and it was powerful. Jerry and I walked to our favorite Thai restaurant for dinner and then may a sweep through the city plaza to check out the Friday Night Concert in the Park. Right now, Jerry is standing in front of me, holding our youngest grandchild who is 9 months old who is sleeping in his arms. As soon as I'm finished blogging we are watching a movie, The Good German, with George Clooney and Kate Blanchett. I really like both these actors. Isn't George Clooney a looker?

Edited: This wasn't a "bad" movie but not one I would recommend either. It was very "slow". Done in an interesting, old fashioned black and white style though.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Janus Dyad

Tomorrow I'm doing a Janus Dyad with a friend. I have some specific things I want to communicate and this is the perfect dyad communication technique for doing that. This is how it goes:

Two partners sit facing one another. One begins as the receiving partner and the other as the active partner. The receiving partner instructs/invites the active partner:
1. "Tell me something you want me to know." The active partner then shares something they want their partner to know. The receiving partner thanks them and then says:
2. "Tell me how communicating that has changed our relationship." The active partner then shares again, releasing what they first shared and now focusing on the change in the relationship. The receiving partner thanks them and instructs again:
3. "Tell me how communicating that has changed our relationship." The active partner shares again. The receiving partner thanks them and then says:
4. "Tell me how communicating that has changed our relationship." After the active partner has communicated a total of four times they reverse roles and continue back and forth like this for 40 minutes.

Dyad Communication is very powerful. It's all about connecting with another--contemplating, intending, opening and then sharing the truth. The Janus Dyad is especially powerful in creating a space of intimacy and understanding.

Check This Out

Check out Mistress Matisse's new article in Seattle's The Stranger Control Tower and Kink Calendar. It's called Poly Titles.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Surviving Mother, Jeaously, And Preparing for Burningman

I'm feeling pretty exhausted right now. It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday. Today I did a bunch of various errands and shopping trips as well as visiting my mother 3 times. The second time was when she called me to help her up after she had fallen and the third time was to help her get to her bed as she couldn't walk. Tonight I'm wondering if assisted care isn't right around the next corner.

Yesterday was about the same including a 2 hour visit at the Sprint store. My 2 month to the day new cell phone stopped working and I need to sent it off for repair. Samsung may keep it for up to two weeks. This left me with the options of going without a cell phone for the duration, purchasing another phone (the cheapest was $170.00) or finagling a free phone out of them. I got my free phone but, like I said, it was 2 hours later when I left the store. I suppose $85.00 an hour for my time was worth it.

I'm over my rampage of jealously. It's hard to stay jealous with awareness of the truth. It seems impossible to both love and fear at the same time. And although my ego would imagine that it could or even should try and control others at times, that isn't how I choose carry on in my relationships. I'm not interested in making demands of others and requests always leave the option of a no for a answer. I've found that if I'm refusing to accept a no for any answer, then I'm not really making a request of another, but rather a demand. I am not into demanding anything from anyone, least of all the people I love. It still leaves to be seen whether I will get a yes or a no to my request. I've made amends (in my mind and heart mostly, but we've talked a little too) with my friend who triggered the jealous feelings in me. I realize that I was feeling vulnerable in relation to my need for belonging, experiencing love and intimacy, attention, affection and companionship. Not that I don't have a deep sense of belonging in my life as it is, because I do in many arenas, but it's just that I'm a complicated girl with some convoluted relationships. And I'm trying to be diligent in keeping the communication of understanding clear. I want everything and I need nothing...well it's not that I don't have needs, it's just that I have everything I need. I trust that. On the other hand, I don't have everything I want...just yet. Besides--all my desires are works in progress and as soon as one is fulfilled there is always another to take it's place. It's a never ending cycle but one that I'm thoroughly enjoying, most of the time anyway.

We leave for Burningman in 11 days. Today I received my volunteer schedule for working at Sanctuary as a mental health guide/support person for those who may be having a bad trip on drugs. Monday, the same day that we arrive I have a 4 hour mandatory training and then I work a 6 hour shift on Sunday, the day before we leave.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Jealousy on the Road to Burningman

Wow. The last five days have been full. The small of my back is hurting like crazy too. That rarely happens anymore.

Spirit House was fabulous. It's this beautiful retreat center in Marin County. Several acres with goats, two dogs, a cat, fruit trees, hot tub, yurt, labyrinth, and a beautiful home that sleeps 15 plus people (with the pads in the yurt 10 or 15 more easily).

I was the Chief Monitor for my first Enlightenment Intensive. This means that my job was taking care of all the physical needs of the participants and of the space itself as well as monitoring the dyad communications. I became the fire tender as it got very cold in the yurt at night and early in the morning. This means I was up at 5:15 a.m. making a fire so everyone would be warm when they arrived at 6:15 for their first dyad of the morning. I enjoyed that a lot, making the fire in particular and being in service to others in general. We had 6 participants and 5 staff. Our two cooks were incredible so we shared some really wonderful food during our eating contemplation for those 3 days. Everyone worked hard on their questions--mostly, Who Am I? It was a very sweet Intensive. I was in an altered state by Sunday night. It was good for me to experiencing the Enlightenment Intensive from another perspective.

I arrived home yesterday and after visiting with my mother, pretty much rested for the rest of the afternoon until our daughter and her baby (Jerry's youngest daughter) showed up to visit for awhile. She's here for two weeks with our youngest grandchild and has been staying with us and her sister who lives in town. It was good seeing her and the little one.

We had pre-playa dinner with our Burningman camp mates last night, figuring out dinners and how to best arrange the camp. A new friend offered to make me a tutu with green tea leaves for Tutu Tuesday.

I was overcome with jealousy during the dinner and it was interesting for me to experience. I noticed what was going on and just witnessed the sensations. It was all about fear and me not getting what I wanted. I realized how attached I was to a particular something and when I perceived someone trying to take that away from me I didn't like it at all. I felt very threatened by another and protective. I talked with Jerry about it last night and that helped. This is not the way I choose to live. I'm pretty much back in my acceptance mode, happy to allow others to do whatever they need to do to take care of themselves but my dander is still up a bit. Grrr..."back off bitch"... It's hard when I want certain things from the people I love and get attached to them going along with my plans--wanting the same thing that I want. But dammit, other's have minds and needs of their own. Imagine that.

Some sweet wonderful friends of ours are in town and last night another group of friends got together for dinner to visit with them and we missed seeing everyone. They are stopping by this morning though and we are going to walk around town for awhile before they leave. I'm going to go make myself a soy matcha latte and clean up the house before they arrive.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Off to Spirit House

I'm sorry I haven't been writing much. I've been so incredibly busy from early morning until late at night everyday for the last week or so. Burningman preparations are still in full swing and this morning I'm leaving for Marin where I will monitor for a 3 day Enlightenment Intensive. I'm excited about this opportunity--it's my first. I'll be without internet access until I return on Monday. I'll try to have a nice post for Monday or Tuesday of next week.

I'll experiencing lots of love in my life right now.
Here's a wonderful Rumi poem from A New Illuminated Rumi ONE SONG by Michael Green for you:
If you can't wrap this love around you like a cloak at midnight, don't put on something else, go back to bed.

Let THIS LOVE run spinning through your brain. It's what holds everything together, and it's the everything too!

Without a little dancing, there is no disappearing.

Love so vast, Love the sky cannot contain. How does all this fit inside my heart?

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

A Haiku

My brother, Stanton, wrote this for me in 1999. It really touched me. Still does. I love him.

A Haiku:

My Sister

A mischievous child
She spurts forth a young rebel
Blossoms in spirit

Monday, August 6, 2007

Packed Full Day

The man burns in 26 days! We have Dyad Communication Evening at our house tomorrow night and then I leave to monitor for an Enlightenment Intensive on Thursday and return home on Monday. I start back to work at the college the next Monday and then six days later (20 days from today) we leave for Burningman. Wow, that's a whirlwind of activity and I have so much to get done it boggles my mind. Here are some more Burningman pictures for you.

My best friend Ren had to back out coming to Burningman with us for what was to be her "virgin burn" (first time) which was disappointing. The good news in that another friend who is also a virgin, bought her ticket and he is coming to camp with us. He is also going to carry our water this year which is a huge luxury. I have some very cool new playa clothes and our camp set up is awesome. Jerry and I spent about 3 hours in the heat on Saturday zip tying our camouflage sunscreen and making sure everything would work the way I had envisioned it. I've also volunteered to work with MAPS this year at sanctuary, which serves as a haven for people experiencing bad drug trips to take refuge.

Today was packed full of fun and craziness. First thing in the morning my daughter phoned because my mother had called her concerned because she though there was someone in her house. I called her to see what was up and indeed she told me there was a woman hiding in her back porch closet. I'm getting better at not buying into my mother's head space and taking these types of situations as emergencies and I just told her that there was no one there but that I would look in the closet to make sure when I arrived later. I gave myself a couple of hours to take care of my morning and when I arrived she was fine and upon checking I found no one in the closet. I went on with my day, met a friend for coffee and then took my mom to the doctor. On the way home we stopped at a medical supply store and bought her a lift chair because it's getting so difficult for her to lift herself out of her chair.

I saw a client and then Jerry and I watched a video of a Tatagata Tea Ceremony that my friend loaned me. It was really wonderful and inspiring as this is the tea ceremony I'm taking to the playa this year. My tea room is fabulous too! Jerry and I went and eat Thai food for dinner. Afterwards I went to my Juicy Women's Group. Waiting at the door of my office was a container full of leather scraps that my friend Sharon, who makes moccasins left for me. Soon those scraps will be transformed into some beautiful implements...

Ana entertained us with more of her sexual history and I just feel so blessed to be a part of his lovely group of juicy women. Home with Jerry now, some lovely intimate interaction and now he's reading and I'm blogging. I'm going to head off to the Burningman site before I go to sleep and read about some of this year's theme camps.

This last picture is from one of last year's theme camps, Ashram Galactica. They are a group of people mostly from L.A. I believe, although we've become friends with the chef and he lives in San Rafael. Each night last year they served two sets of 14 guests each these fantastic 7 course Morrocan meals. Jerry and I were fortunate to be invited into one of these dinners. This year I hear they are doing Tapas style. Yum, can't wait.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Check This Out

In case you haven't noticed, I like Mistress Matisse's poly stories and also like to offer a link so you can go and read them for yourselves. Here's one from Saturday called Just Another (Nice) Day.

And a silly Youtube video mocking polyamory. It's called Polly Wally.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Check This Out--The Ravenhearts

Check out this article published by Nerve, the premier online magazine about sex, relationships and pop culture:
Husbands and Wives by Meghan Daum.
This is a very interesting article about the Ravenhearts, an old time polyamorous family who live in Northern California. Enjoy.

Friday, August 3, 2007

28 days and Alex Gray

28 days till the man burns!

And more Alex Gray for James.

The artist himself. This is a visionary painting--pre 911. Within the painting are the twin towers, an airplane flying towards them, and a George Bush looking character cavorting with a terrorist looking character.

Bamboo Mandala

Dome Star Mandala

Black Rock City Post Office. Yes, it's true. Black Rock City has an official post office for the one week per year that citizens reside within the city. You can both send and receive mail--the delivery people work diligently to get all the mail delivered so it's nice to offer them a cold drink after they have gone out of their way to track you down. We also have our very own naked postman.

Alex Grey--ARTMind: The Healing Power of Sacred Art.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Check This Out

Check out Mistress Mastisse's post on Wednesday August 1, 2007. I find what she wrote on jealous and secondary relationships very insightful. Matisse answers five questions that a woman named Hannah presented to her. Here is question number two:
2. Those who identify as poly know it's not an easy path, though you often make it seem so. What personal challenges do you still face as a poly person - what issues or situations still give you trouble?
I really appreciate Matisse's life experience on so many poly issues. She has a lot of wisdom to share.

29 days!

I don't know how I counted wrong originally but I did. As of today, the man burns in 29 days!

A Hard Day

Wednesday August 1st was a damn hard day for me. I first recognized and acknowledged that I wasn't handling my emotions well when I was in the fabric store buying sewing machine needles. I wasn't sure if I had picked the right ones so I asked one of the employees who was walking down the aisle if she could help me. She refused and hurried off to her more important business leaving me alone with my abandonment issues. I could have started crying but instead I headed to the checkout and purchased the needles from a very pleasant cashier. Driving out of the parking lot in my car, I was overwhelmed with sadness and I cried over all the meanness in the world. Why is it so hard for us to just be nice to one another?
My granddaughter turned three years old today. Jerry and I flew to Hawaii to help when she was born. She was born outside, overlooking the ocean and a black sand beach, in a tub of warm water that held both her mother and father. That night a hurricane hit the island. She is fireball, a Leo girl child. Her father is my son, another fire sign, an Aries. Her and her mother came to live with us for a year when she was six months old. Her parents are going through a divorce and I'm very sad over everything that is transpiring. A lot has been under pressure with this situation and it's affecting our whole family. The ordeal just smacked me in the gut today. Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

My mother is probably going to have to be moved into assisted care. I don't think my daughter and I can handle her care on our own much longer. She has Alzheimer's and gets very anxious and depressed. She is having a very difficult time walking even though there is really nothing physically wrong with her. She has this very pathetic whiny victim part of her personality which was in control today. Unfortunately, today I didn't possess and over abundance of loving kindness and compassion. She phoned early this morning waking me from a sound sleep, needing me because she was sick. I talked with her awhile and told her I would be over soon and then laid in bed for another half hour unwilling to heed her beck and call. When I arrived she was sitting in her apartment which was hot and stuffy even though it was early in the morning. It was cooler outside than inside and a little breeze was blowing. I left the front door open to let the breeze blow in and then I opened her drapes to let some light in. I gave her her medicine and a kiss and laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was feeling resistant towards her, sitting there in her chair looking so pathetic. I didn't believe she was really sick, only needy for attention and I was feeling tired and not very giving. She was annoyed that I left her door open because it made her feel exposed. I got up and shut the door and opened the sliding glass door. Then I did her dishes and made her some breakfast. She eat and said she felt better. She just wanted attention, connection, love. I was feeling more loving by the time I left. Soon she was calling me again very distressed. She had a hard day. So did I.

But this evening Jerry took me to see Jon Cleary and the Absolute Monster Gentlemen. They are a hot rockin New Orleans Funk Bank. Man did those guys have soul! We had a nice dinner at the Sierra Nevada Big Room, shared a table with friends, heard some great music, and danced a bunch too.

It lightened my spirits. Ah, the healing power of music.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Enlightenment Intensives and Burningman--It's The Human Connection

As my preparations for Burningman intensify I'm reconnecting with my experience last year as a virgin burner. I'm also simultaneously preparing for my first Enlightenment Intensive (EI) as a monitor next week. I've written about my first Enlightenment Intensive here, which occurred in April 2005. Since that time, I've participated in a total of seven EIs along with a ten day master's training course. You can read more about these experiences by clicking on the label The Road to Enlightenment in the sidebar. Burningman and my experience of the Enlightenment Intensives are very similar in many ways. The most precious thing they have in common for me is the opportunity for intimate connection with others. I plan to continue participation in both for some time.

I have some teachers who call themselves Abraham. I was introduced to Abraham's teachings maybe ten years ago. Abraham uses the term "blended being" which refers to the human condition as being both physical and non-physical. I love this term and ever since I first heard it used I've taken it on to describe my beingness. I've taken on awareness of my blended beingness as a daily meditation practice.

I've always been a very spiritually focused person and most certainly I'm interested in Enlightenment--simply put, I'm interested in knowing the truth of who and what I am and who and what another is. I intend to directly experience this truth and to be open to this experience at all times.

I'm not so interested in becoming enlightened so I can break free of the physical world. After all, I was once free of the physical world and I assume I'll return to full on non-physical beingness at some point. But I came here to experience the physical and as far as I can ascertain, I'm not close to being finished exploring. I'm enjoying this adventure immensely. Frankly, I don't quite get the point of taking on a physical form to simply recover from my amnesia, remember who I really am and then get the heck out of Dodge. All said and done though, it doesn't seem to behoove one well, whilst taking advantage of this human condition, to forget one's true nature. My experience thus far has lead me to the insight that I fare much better in creating the specific type of life that I prefer when I'm living in Truth. So my current plan is that while I'm focused on living within this physical form to the fullest, I'm also intent on carrying on in a more enlightened, awake and aware state--that of a blended being. That's utilizing the best of both worlds, yes?

Anyway, this excerpt from Francis Weller's upcoming book, Unforgotten Wisdom: Reclaiming Our Indigenous Soul (that I found on the Wisdom Bridge Website), really speaks to my blended being as well as my Burningman experience.
What is the experience of embodiment? What awareness is necessary to know our incarnation? Sensing, feeling, responding, interacting with the world as participant, seamless intimacy. We are not apart from the world, prisoners in an internal landscape; we are members in good standing with this breathing, animate earth. What the indigenous soul knows, and so eloquently recognizes, is our kinship with clouds and wind, sunlight filtered through oak and Douglas Fir, birdsong drifting over the day, ants moving along railings and stone, comfrey blooming and self-heal offering its blue stalk to our eyes while Barber’s Adagio for Strings plays in the background. How can we feel so empty when the world is so full? Our emptiness is our failure to be in the world. Every piece of conditioning—religious, social, economic, political, educational—that places us outside this abundance, empties us.
We are bereft of the fullness in great part because what we know as alive, has been turned cold, objectified for study, researched as resource, but where soul was to be found, where love was to be felt, we only encountered abstraction.

That just touches me. Isn't it lovely?

I adore the experiences of embodiment at Burningman. There is Lap Dancing and Pole Dancing.

Buddha is all over the playa.

There is a zendo.

Altars galore.

Shadow dancing up the yin yang.

The man burns in 35 days!