Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I'm excited to write this post and can hardly wait until the words start spilling out. It will be called, Maiden, Mother, Cougar, Crone. For now:

Cougar - Leadership, courage, power, swiftness and balance.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Celebrating Life

My shoulders are sore and tired.
I finally washed all the dishes.
Have most of my Christmas presents finished.
My house is messy yet again.
I've been bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.
Started another cycle on day 25,the day before Solstice
when heading into the longest night of the year.
Deep red flowing blood. Lots of it. This is day three.
Happy to see both of my birthday boys today.
Worried about the other two.
Need to visit with my mom tomorrow (today, it's 1:26 am)
and give her a manicure so her nails are clean and pretty for Christmas Eve.
Excited about the way the grandkid's presents are turning out.
Missing my eldest daughter.
Thankful for the one who is around and being sweet.
Pleased to be seeing my brother and his family
and glad they are always willing to make the drive in the dreaded Tully fog.
Wish I would hear from my sister.
Wish I would hear from my eldest son.
Happy to be spending a mellow Christmas day with H.,
and then being invited for Christmas dinner with my sweet ones.
Boxing day brings some party time with Lover Who Is My Lover and his family, friends.
Giving thanks.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Her Giggles

while the two of you were fucking
her giggles made me smile
i was pleased for you
but had lots of energy in my chest
that made it difficult to concentrate
while trying to read my book

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

unzipped last night

last night
in the garage
your unzipped sweater
with a bit
of your black
long john shirt
just peeking out
from underneath
showed off
your neck
and part of your chest
you are usually
zipped up
so tight
it unzipped me

Monday, December 7, 2009

To Waste A Moment

Maybe my inability to write stems from my need to retreat into knowing nothing. Humility demands respect. Sharing too much of what goes through my mind feeds the ego, as if what I have to say is actually significant. I've been attempting to get out of my mind more and simply live my life.

I've been wanting deeply again. Strong desire. Yearning. Overcome with love-lust. I woke up a week ago in the middle of the night crying. Grasping. But still, for all intents and purposes, I'm fairly content. I've been refusing to stay long in stories that cause me pain.

A friend shared with me that she's going through a difficult time. Recently returned from traveling abroad, she finds herself depressed, realizing that there is a limit to what she will be able to experience in this life. She is grieving the lost of the perceived unlimited possibilities of her youth. She is happy in her life. And yet...

I don't want to squander a minute of my life regretting--to waste a moment hesitating to love.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Wanting to blog. So many feelings and so few words. Love is up big for me. Tenderness. A yearning for compassion. Big acknowledgment of the need for kindness in our relationships. Loving H. and Lover Who Is My Lover. Loving his wife, her boyfriend, and his wife. Loving Lover Who Is Not my Lover and his girlfriend...Ren and D.. Pema and her Loverman...She and He and She, and She and He...She and He and She and He and She and He, and She. She and He.

I'm not joking. These are all love relationships I have on my mind tonight.