Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Soothing Balm Of Compassion

I had plans on doing the annual Enlightenment Intensive at Isis Oasis this last weekend. I felt a deep need to dig into the work of enlightenment but something was off and I felt an ego resistance to going which I tried getting past it but I was simply physically done in and just couldn't bear the thought of the whole endeavor. We canceled and called Harbin for reservations. They had one room left. We packed our bags and arrived in the afternoon on Jerry's birthday. It was the oddest thing when we walked into our room and found an over sized statue of King Tut in our room...This after abandoning our Isis gig.


It was a wonderful weekend. Exactly what we needed. We soaked, read, eat yummy food, did dyads, got massages, watched a movie, walked, made love, slept, did partner yoga, watched a music/dance performance, contemplated, and soaked some more.

The hot and cold dips took me deep into my contemplation and Kwan Yin offered her strong presence. I beseeched her with my prayer, Tell me Mother, Please Tell Me What Another Is. She rubbed the soothing balm of compassion on my aching heart. She showered me with forgiveness and it penetrated deeply to my core. I resisted as she prodded me to let go. But Mother, I cried, I don't know that I am capable of letting go. It scares me so, I pleaded. Please Mother, how can I let go of love? I knew it was a silly question. There is no letting go of love my child. You have no hold on love to begin with. Holding on to love is an illusion. Letting go is releasing the illusion. Love just is. Thank you for your patience with me Mother.

I presented myself again and again. Forgive me Mother for I have sinned. I am selfish and I believe in separateness. I have shunned Another. I have rejected my body and abandoned my children. Forgive me Mother my sins. I am weak.

I am home now, surrounded by the beauty of my intentions with a clearer vision of some valuable actions to take. And I know as I always have, that I am the one who must forgive myself.


2 comments:

Bx said...

I love this:

There is no letting no of love my child. You have no hold on love to begin with. Holding on to love is an illusion. Letting go is releasing the illusion. Love just is.

I am using it as a marquee screensaver for awhile. Thanks!

bx

Adrienne Parker said...

I edited my mistake.

There is no letting go...

Yea, that is nice isn't it.

Thank you bx, happy for your appreciation.