Monday, October 27, 2008

Emotional Masochism

I really like what Mistress Matisse has to say about "emotional masochism" in her post today.
...I’d say that just based on the situation you’re describing… you’re an
emotional masochist. And that’s not a good thing.That’s not a real psychological
term, of course, and it’s not a BDSM term, either. But you’re engaging in an
unrequited love/lust thing with (someone) who doesn’t return your feelings...And
you’re not even trying to find a woman who might love you back? I call that
emotional masochism, my friend. I will bet you any amount of money that the
situation you're
describing is not going to end in you being happy and
getting what you want.I think you need to work out whatever is so fascinating to
you about this kind of interaction, or else you’re going to keep doing it over
and over. You’re only 25, so nip this in the bud now and learn how to have real
relationships, because whether you're vanilla or kinky or somewhere in between,
being attracted to unavailability is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness.

You go girlfriend. Well, Matisse isn't really my girlfriend but maybe if we ever met and had the opportunity to hang out together we might become friends. I really appreciate her as a writer and she offers some no nonsense, good advice to her readers. I love this term she uses too, "emotional masochism" and I'll probably continue using it--giving her full credit for coining the term if she chooses to do that. I've been there and I've written about it before too, my attraction to unavailable men. I'm not necessarily over it either but I possess an incredible amount of awareness and insight regarding this wounded part of myself, enough that it doesn't have the power to sabotage my ability to experience happiness and satisfaction in my relationships even if it does take me for a wild ride now and again. OK, I've been on one of those rides for over 4 years now, I'll admit it (and to be fair, it hasn't all been about unavailability.) But thank god I'm a poly girl and I don't do painful relationships exclusively. I also do relationships with available men who give me an abundance of love and the good stuff I'm looking for so I'm doing pretty damn good in my life, even if I still struggle with this "recipe for frustration and unhappiness" a little bit too. My problem here has greatly diminished in size and become more like a lingering addiction to junk food that I've learned to control and only occasionally indulge in while mostly consisting on a diet of whole, organic, real food.

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