The Truth Will Set Me Free

My path is to be present with Another. To be available for connection. To tell the truth as it arises. And I do this mostly, but not always. Not all of the truth. Not the pieces of it that ego warns might not be in my best interest to reveal.

Mine is a path of truthtelling. A path of openness and vulnerability, a path that risks all for transparency.
And yet I sometimes fail to disclose the truth when I sense the possibility that speaking it might not get me what I want. Part of me wants to keep silent and keep the possibilities of the unknown alive.

But what I want most of all is the truth! Don’t I? Yes,
Definitely! But…

Lately I haven’t been speaking all of my sexual truth. I withhold this truth from Another. I don't speak of the
high state of sexual agitation I often exist in due to my attraction and strong desire combined with the sexual reserve that I am met with.

I often wonder if I'll ever let go of this and just move on with my life. Well, truthfully, I am moving on--I'm not actually stuck waiting for anything in particular to happen, for change to occur. Am I? But I certainly am stuck wanting. Desiring. Yearning.

And I try to ignore it mostly, this sense of not having what I want. I practice wanting what I have. Knowing
I have just exactly what I need and ignoring my ego stories. I focus
on keeping my heart open and staying out of my mind.

Yet in my silence I sense a fear of rejection. I wonder if
I do not fully disclose what arises for me because I don't
want to face the truth of what may actually be? And
I ask myself, how could I never not want to face the
truth? That’s so ridiculous.

And then there is what seems to be this silent wisdom that
knows the truth can't be confined to words and actions.
That this truth I hide somehow rests on higher ground. I'm
not really hiding the truth, I'm keeping it safe, holding it to be revealed at the proper time. And yet I suspect ego as a trickster here,
lulling me into the silence of mystery. Denying me the words
that will set my heart and loins free.