He didn't think I'd cry; get jealous; have waves of anger rush up. I write about compersion don't I? He doesn't like hurting me and yet he's more than willing to hurt me for the opportunity to be alone with her. I understand. I suppose. It's the same for me. But he's never wanted to leave me behind before, to choose to spend his time with someone else, rather than me. He takes to this like a duck to water. I told him I'd do the same to him, in a hot second. And I would. I have. He didn't think it was funny when I told him I'd rather he be the one left alone and crying. I was joking. Kinda sorta. Didn't I say awhile back that I was sick of theoretical polyamory?
Here are a couple of quotes from something personal that I was reading today. They are private and I haven't asked permission to print them so I'm not honoring the authors.
"The ego (identification with the mind) can only survive in secrecy, tension
and hiding. Exposing the personal and the personality is exactly what
brings about its purification and fruition."
"What you bring forth will save you, what you don't bring forth will destroy you'.
So I share this stuff and expose a small piece of my vulnerability, my breaking heart that is willing to crack open in order to love more.
4 comments:
((hugs)) Good post. You are a dear brave woman...one of the most emotionally honest I've met. Thank you.
Thanks Greenwoman. Well, I think I must be brave but I'm also just merely compelled. I feel sometimes as if I have no choice. My higher calling takes me where I must go. Then again, I'm also just simply selfish. I want what I want and so I need to do what I do in order to get it. I strive for emotional honesty. I'm trying but it's an awesome task.
I have so been there... more than once. Wanting the freedom... wanting the emotional honesty... and choking on that want. Isn't it a bittersweet taste?
I second the brave woman... love yourself.
Thanks mon-mon. Damn. Yes, bittersweet. But then, I really enjoy bittersweet chocolate. I'm just hitting some deep places inside. I'm glad to be here, meeting my ego and all the illusions it identifies with. That's the bitter parts. Meeting myself, that is very sweet.
Post a Comment