Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Like A Pig In Mud

The unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because
that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention
to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence.
When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. You
get to take yourself oh so very seriously."
- Tom Robbins, *Jitterbug Perfume*

I've been contemplating my current unhappiness. The way I've been dwelling on myself has been extremely indulgent and is sort of embarrassing. It's ridiculous how identified with ego I've been. My own and another's. It's enamored me with its nasty little stories, and then convinced me to take my little drama so very seriously. My pain body has caught me like a tar baby and my struggle to escape has been futile. Truthfully, I haven't really been struggling to escape. I've rather been luxuriating in the sticky squalor like a pig in mud.

When I focus on another and simply feel the relationship I notice the warmth of love. When I think about the relationship I find myself wanting something different. I'm dissatisfied with another's choices. I'm attached to my conceptions of what should be, rather than what is. I'm resisting the truth of what is real.

Andrew Cohen says that freedom means being free of attachment. Byron Katie talks about accepting/wanting/loving what is. Abraham teaches the laws of attraction and allowing. Sometimes I lose my equilibrium, the place of balance between consciously creating my life with strong desire for my preferences while living fully in the moment without attachment to anything being other than it is.


Gillette said...

OMG (with full on Valley Girl inflection) she's human!!!

Adrienne Parker said...

OMG Gillette, I am so fucking human!