All My Petty Concerns

The truth is, I'm a basket case today. I just returned from the DMV trying to finish all the paperwork on the RV we purchased for Burningman and it was a snafu. Nothing that's wrong won't eventually be righted and hopefully fairly easy but I found myself holding back the tears as the woman behind the counter was telling me everything I had to do. When I got home I had a little mini breakdown crying and sobbing on the phone with Jerry. I have no reserves right now and every tiny bit of stress pushes me over the edge. I lift myself back up fairly quickly but still, I'm always just barely balancing there.

I feel like a putz. I have friends who have lost their homes, without even the time to rescue a few pictures. Others are still in the middle of it, fighting to save theirs. Fires and smoke are everywhere. I may be breathing the smoke but I'm not burning... And here, all my petty concerns.

It's all relative of course. And it just came to me that much of my grief right now is related to what others are going through also, so I'm not a total self-absorbed narcissus.

And regardless of the huge and greater loss of others compared with all that I have to be incredibly grateful for, my load has been heavy lately and whether I like it or not, I've been buckling under the weight.

So I pick myself up once again and deal with what beacons me, doing my best to focus on the love all around me. There is a lot.