Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Remember the Code

Last night I dreamed I was on a journey:

I was walking and leaving a "place". There was some code I was to remember.  I had keys in my hand.  On the way back to this place, (I had been somewhere) I saw some friends and I was tempted to not stop and connect with them but to continue on to whatever was so important.  But I stopped and chatted for awhile and then continued on my way.  I had forgotten the code. I started jogging to make up for lost time and then it started raining.  I had a way to go so I stuck out my thumb and started hitchhiking.  A few cars passed me by and then one stopped.  There were two men inside.  I had a large box which I put inside the backseat and then panic hit.  I scanned the inside of the back door to see if it was rigged in a way so I couldn't open it from the inside and it looked weird somehow.  There was no way that I was getting in that car.  I thought I'd probably just watched too many scary cop shows and actually said that out loud--then I asked the one who was driving if I was safe with them--he shook his head and said no.  I tried to run away but I was caught in that "secret saboteur" thing that happens in dreams where your legs don't work right you can't move very fast.  I was on the ground. He got out of the car and caught me.  I hoped for another car to come along, to see what was happening and help me.  I remembered my "box" was still in the car and knew I was going to have to abandon if I got away.  The box now actually had someone inside of it, like a small child or my baby self.  I needed to protect it but I was in no position to do so.

I'm contemplating the "self" this morning.  All this "dying" I've been experiencing. It's the death of a self that isn't really me.  Or my mom.  Or...

Of course all these selves need their due, but it's so easy to get lost in the drama of a dream when the real meaning is right there in the code.  I was suppose to remember the code.  I keep forgetting the code.

No comments: