To Love

I feel so good right now. I'm in Santa Barbara with my good friends R. and D. I'm in bed with the computer and it's been a long day. R and I finally got on the road at noon after packing up, running various errands, and stopping to see my sweet mommy.

She was very confused today and bless her, she's been what she and I have come to call "dreaming" again, when she get all confused about the reality of her life. Her story today was that she was marrying a man named Carl and she wanted me to take her to the county seat so she could purchase a marriage license. She was both serious and embarrassed at the same knowing how outlandish her story sounded. My mother developed a crush on Carl while at her other assisted care home. He was her physical therapist and she told me her fantasies about him shortly after they met. I started teasing her occasionally about her "boyfriend" and she enjoyed it. He was a handsome and distinguished looking man, perhaps 65 years old (my mother is 85.) The first time I met him was when I stopped by to visit my mom and he happened to be there for his weekly visit. My mom let me know, in no uncertain terms, that it was her time with Carl and she didn't want to be disturbed. After shaking his hand and a few fairly hurried pleasantries, I excused myself so as not to intrude on their time alone together.

With a couple of stops along the way, the drive from Chico to Santa Barbara took us ten and a half hours. I got to go out to dinner with my goddaughter and it was so good to see her, enjoying her company and listening to her chat it up. She is growing into a very self-sufficient and sweet person as well as a beautiful young woman. She's in love too and I'm glad for that. And my son called me from Portland. It was good to hear his voice.

I didn't do my Epsom salt and baking soda soak today (one soak a day for three days after a Rolfing Treament) nor the Five Tibetan Rites (I don't know why they are called five rites as there are six of them) that I've been doing for the last few days to strengthen my inner core. I'll be here in Santa Barbara until Saturday when I fly home and I'm so glad to get away from everything right now and just relax. Looking forward to the ocean and some second hand stores among other things. It's been a difficult summer. Intense. At the same time, life is sweet.


I'm experiencing a lot of appreciation right now for my polyamorous life. I feel like I'm really embracing it like I never have before. As if I'm finally leaving the realm of Theoretical Polyamory into the real world. I feel very grounded. I notice this in my husband too and it's making me very happy. Today in the car drive down here, I noticed some big emotion that was up in me that I first interpreted as a jealously. As I paid more attention to it I experienced it as compersion and I had to smile. As I rode the energy for a while I was aware of all my emotions as simply energy that I'm either allowing to flow or not to flow through my body.

I feel very in sync with my life's purpose right now. So grateful for all the love relationships in my life. Grateful for my ability to keep my heart open. To connect with others. To love.