Thursday, January 31, 2008

Theoretic Polyamory

It's interesting ya know. I've advocated for non-monogamy in my relationship with my husband since before we were married. We've always practiced non-monogamy in theory, since we've been together, over 14 years now. But the way it played out for us was that we were so wrapped up in one another, creating a life together, that we fell into monogamy by a sort of default. We were happy together, our needs were being met and there were other things to attend to. Truly opening and being available to polyamory has been a 9 year journey.

My husband has been both open and closed to polyamory. He's a very sex-positive guy but has struggled with jealousy and possessiveness. I have too. Opening to allowing for sex with others has been easier for him than opening to allowing for loving others. He has told me that he would be happy being monogamous with me. I've never been willing.

I do find it interesting that loving polyamorously seems easier when it's oneself doing the loving and sexing with another, when you are the one who's off on an adventure. I know I can love more than one just fine, but when my primary partner is the one off having fun without me, well, that takes courage. It's takes willingness to be with myself and face what I find there with faith and compassion.

A lot of good things are scary when they are new. I'm happy to be on this adventure.

4 comments:

Greenwoman said...

Yeah....it does take courage.

I am constantly amazed at how much.

I AM ANOTHER said...

Courage to believe in the truth rather than the stories my ego tells me.

Anonymous said...

Rumi once said "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there".

Hi Adrienne,

I have recently started reading your blog...some very deep stuff. I like the artwork and the pictures.
Rebecca says hi too.

I AM ANOTHER said...

Hi unseen rain. I'm happy to have you reading. I love that Rumi saying--had it on a card I gave to a friend. Hello back to your sweet wife.