Pain Without Suffering

Some emotions had recently come up for Jerry in regards to another love in my life. I had emailed him yesterday while I was at work and told him how it makes me sad sometimes, knowing that me being me, with my polyamorous nature, causes him pain. We were connecting in the evening,talking a bit about our days before I left for my women's group and he mentioned what I had said to him in my email. He told me that this is a place he is willing to go, that his pain arises from his intense attachment to me but that it isn't causing him to suffer. He explained that he accepts this as good practice for him and his mortality. He said that because of the attachment he has for me and that when the possibility of losing me causes him pain, it makes him realize how much more will he be attached to losing his body at the time of death. I told him that I was willing to cause him pain as long as he promises not to suffer with it. It's a deal.

My heart opens so big when he shares with me like this. I have chosen the path of polyamory for my own spiritual growth. The potential power of risking all in my willingness to love more and encouraging my loves to love more, overwhelms me. And then Jerry just puts it all so simply. This attraction we share to experiencing enlightenment. We are preparing for our deaths by living and loving more. By facing our fears and breathing through them. By letting go of our attachments and experiencing what actually is. By being willing to step into the unknown and intending to keep our hearts open, whatever happens.

We were making delicious love last night and he said to me, "I don't want to own you, I want to enjoy you." What a joy living and loving is. I'm on an amazing journey with this man and I'm so grateful to have him in my life.