The Hoax

Last night I watched The Hoax, a drama starring Richard Gere. It's based on the true story of Clifford Irving, who was imprisoned in 1972 for writing a bogus biography on Howard Hughes. It was a good film, well written with great actors. It was portrayed as a historic event that had a hand in bringing Richard Nixon to impeachment. Politics, plus the fact that Irving was a bad friend, a lair and a thief, as well as a cheat aside, one can hardly help admiring someone who had the guts to try and pull off such a grand scheme.

In the end though, what struck me the most after all else was said and done, was the default pattern of demanding monogamy that people seem to automatically fall into regardless of the ultimate cost.

Clifford Irving was in love with two women at the same time, his mistress, Nina van Pallandt, and his wife Edith. Clifford and Edith were still in the process healing the wounds from his original betrayal with Nina. They were rebuilding trust and the love was flowing between them when Nina called Clifford, hoping to start their relationship back up. He made a half-hearted attempt to resist her temptation but fell into bed with her once again. Edith found out of course, as wives always do, and was filled with jealousy and the rage of a woman scorned.

Edith turns out to be a liar and a thief just like her husband but supposedly she isn't a cheat and his infidelity is the ultimate undoing of their marriage. I always can't help but ask, Why? Why can't these people who obviously love one another just stop lying and cheating and start telling each other the truth about loving and wanting to fuck someone else? Why do they insist on buying into the social construct of monogamy and then either cheat until they get caught, or if they are the one being cheated on, just buy into the full force of their jealously like it's the only option?

I always yearn for them to start admitting the truth, and then finding a reasonable way to deal with the real person they are in relationship with. Why do they refuse to process through the fear and jealousy while continuing to love and support their partner as a member of the same team? If they tried crawling out of the monogamous box their relationship is trapped in, perhaps both relationships could stay enact, or maybe not, but the long standing committed marriage probably would and end up being all the stronger for it.

Don't you get tired of seeing relationship after relationship break up because someone opens their heart to another? It reminds me of little children refusing to share.