Friends

I've been literally running from early morning to late at night, almost non-stop for what seems like several weeks. I've been working extra hours at the college to make up for hours missed and everyday life has deemed it necessary to hit me with an extra load of obligations that all need to be done NOW, not tomorrow. With help from one of my sons, along with a friend's son, I moved my mother into an assisted care home today. It wasn't my first choice but it's what was available and she likes it there, at least for now. We'll see how long that lasts. She is still on the waiting list for the one we like the best. By late afternoon, early evening I was exhausted. Done in. I imagined that what I really needed was a good cry but decided to drink instead. The cry will come later in due time.


Jerry had an out of town gig and was loading the car with his gear while attempting to persuade me to come along with him. As much as I love hearing his band play, I just wasn't up to the effort of it all, explaining that what I really needed was a stiff drink accompanied by good conversation with a friend. I was lamenting my situation to him, complaining that I had no friends to call on to comfort me. One of my best friends lives in Santa Barbara, 7 plus hours away. My other best friend has recently moved to L.A., another 7 plus hours away. One friend who still lives in Chico and is the perfect cocktail buddy, just left for Alaska and another friend's parents just arrived from out of town today. As I was bemoaning my "friendless" situation to Jerry, explaining that it's one thing to have friends to call and then perhaps be confronted with them all being too busy to come to your rescue, but that it is another thing entirely to have no friends, not one, nada, zilch, to even call in the first place. Woe is me, my friends are all gone, all unavailable, I have no one. No one. I'm all alone. What a sad sack sorry state of affairs. Jerry continued packing his gear, attempting to pay me due diligence and empathy, while I preceded narrating my tale of abandonment and grief. In the midst of my sordid recital, a visual of various friends would come to mind, all of whom I immediately ruled out as appropriate companions for my evening. "Oh, she doesn't drink....I've never called him spur of the moment before...she would be too busy..." Then a beautiful visual of two lovely friends appeared and with no valid reason to dismiss them as potential allies of the night, I simply excused them without a logical process of deduction. Ignoring my inner urgings, I continued my tale of woe.

The phone rang and Jerry said, "That's a friend calling for you to go out and have a drink." Yea, right, I retorted, I have no friends. There was certainly a small kernel of truth in the emotions I was harboring but mostly I was acting, entertaining myself and Jerry by creating drama with an exaggerated sense of victimhood, trying to suck every ounce of TLC out of him before he drove off into the sunset leaving me even more abandoned and alone. I answered the phone and there he was, the perfect friend whose face had just appeared to me moments before. The face I had deliberately chosen to ignore. After a few minor pleasantries came his offer--would I care to join him for a few drinks during happy hour? His wife would drop him off at my house and we could walk downtown together and she would meet up with us later. I had to laugh. I did laugh. And I accepted his offer. I am so blessed. So incredibly blessed.

The double shot margarita lubricated and loosened my resistance to connection. We chatted about the important and significant things of life, mostly the challenge and spiritual practice of taking the time from our busy schedules to nurture relationships and connect with Another. Later, his lovely wife joined us and we shared dinner and dreams together. He even picked up the tab. Jerry, then home from his gig, joined us as we perused the market for strawberries, asparagus, cherries and a Starbucks frappucino.

I give thanks.