Bust My Ego

I've been a bit annoyed the last few days. Not getting what I want and therefore feeling pissy. It's easy to intellectually understand that another has choices and makes the choices that are right for them, but it's another thing entirely to let go of my attachment to another's choices when they aren't the choices that I'd prefer.

I've been contemplating who and I and what I am, and what another is, along with what ego is. I'm noticing my ego is the part of me that gets attached. What I am is this powerful driving intending force. Who I am focuses this force into some specific desire and then ego steps up to the plate and makes strategic plans for self and another to fulfill this desire.

When another's choices don't match my ego's strategies for getting what it wants, or when the universe doesn't somehow immediately bend to my innovative and creative plan, ego rebels. This rebellion creates all sorts of obstacles that actually inhibit the physical manifestation of what I want. Plus, the resistance to what is, feels really bad and creates anxious knots in my mind and body. I notice these self-righteous judgments creeping into my thoughts and disturbing my peace. Ego thrives on attachment and starts making stories and if I don't nip these stories in the bud immediately, I find myself caught up in some weird role, playing some stupid game with another that they don't even know they are a part of.

Ego is fucking tenacious. And I want to be saved. I want another to appear and say "hey", and break the spell of this illusion of separateness. Come and bust my ego, please.