Saturday, June 20, 2009

Are You A Runner?

Gillette has a nice post on Runners today. She writes about three basis communication patterns that people use in their relationships.
1) There are those who do not want to address strong emotions. They withdraw, walk away, leave the person with strong emotions alone. I have decided to fondly call them The Runners. No insult implied. Simply is what it is.

2) There are those who address strong emotional issues straight on in the moment. Often, since buttons are in the height of tweak, communication and working with the challenges can get...intense.

3) There are those who address strong emotional issues straight on but after they've had some time to process theirs first to find out what's going on at a deeper level for them. When they figure themselves out, they are able to come to the discussion with information that is useful for all concerned.

I've never been much of a runner. I've spent a good portion of my life in the #2 pattern of communication. The older and wiser me tends to operate mostly in the #3 pattern but I think the #2 mode is still an okay place to communicate from. When I am able to remain honest, raw and real in this mode it can be a powerful place to communicate from. Witnessing my mind grasp on to ego stories and acknowledging that this is going on the moment can serve to connect me with my partner on a very basic wounded human level. This is a piece of who I am. Honestly speaking my fears and the truth of the moment is a powerful dynamic of intimate relationships. And although I actually prefer to communicate in the #3 mode, sometimes while moving from the #2 opportunity I devolve in #1 running mode. Not good.

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