Thing is, I have lots of theorectic understanding. I set my life up very intuitively. It seems that many people first have experiences and thereafter, rearrange their lives and change their behaviors to match their experiences. My tendency is to intuitively know things without actually experiencing them, some part of me still gets it on a very deep level. Perhaps I just have very deep insights. Then I go about arranging my life and behavior to match some theory or concept I've had some insight about, that I deeply identify with. Eventually I tend to have experiences that match up. What I'm going through right now is one of those shifts from intellectual and intuitive understanding to being in the midst of the actual experience. This is my opportunity to just be in my stuff, hold on to myself and just sit with it. I'm not having an easy time and I give myself about a C- at this point.
4 comments:
There are stories in the bible of followers and loved ones sitting nearby Jesus's crusifix so that he would not be alone in his plight.
Knowing we are not alone gives great peace when we are suffering.
In those minutes and hours near death when suffering like that, one pulls deeply inward and is ultimately alone there except for the Great Mystery which is alive in all things...that touches all things and makes us One with all that is....
Those who realize that we are just never alone know great peace in death and in every moment of life.
You are never alone.
Sometimes I think that's really at the root of my fears about loving...no matter what it is that I am facing regarding the loving relationship.
You are never alone.
Greenwoman.
Yes, definitely the root of my fear. It's my husband's and that of others I've spoken with about this. And this is the perfect work for me, facing that fear, that aloneness that ego wants so desperately to avoid. It's a death of the ego that we must all face and a big piece of polyamory for me has been my desire to do some of this death work now, before I die, so I can live more fully in the present. I'm very grateful that I have loved ones nearby to hold and love me while I face my demons, figments all of my imagination and yet, just because they aren't real, the pain is still very real.
I think we must first face being truly alone to discover that we are never alone.
Thank you sweetness.
Indeed the pain is very real, even if imagined.
I suggest that you do some heart meditations and some circular breathing...both of these put us in touch with that inner Divine energy. That's really what will help you find your way into the inner light and the knowing that you aren't alone.
I like stretching my heart open on my yoga ball. And breathing is a must. I'm good, it's just when ego attacks it's being fucking relentless with me.
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