Communication As Communion

Today I was contemplating Enlightenment Intensives and the dyad work they consist of. This technique of contemplation and communication is a powerful tool for clearing oneself of all the mind stuff we generate on a daily basis.

I emailed Jerry and thanked him for his willingness to be real, for sharing his truth, for engaging in deep spiritual work with me. We've been committed partners in life and love and dyad communication work has been our path long before we ever knew about Enlightenment Intensives. When we met we both had a fairly clear idea of how to not do relationship. We set our sights on loving each other first and foremost through honest communication. Well, that and good sex. We didn't know how to do it so well when we first started and we've made many blunders but our intentions were always strong. We've been learning and practicing lots about communication and what it really takes to be authentic and to tell the truth. We fell in love and then started learning how to love. Wow, what a journey it's been.

Both of us work at clearing our minds on pretty much a daily basis. Some of this we do alone of course--individual practices that we've each found valuable. We also do the work of sharing together, receiving and understanding the nitty gritty details of the other's heart, mind and emotions. It's amazing how sharing mind stuff stuff allows me to release it, transform it and sometimes I gain incredible insight about myself too.

I have lots of thoughts and my ego loves to make up stories with these thoughts. There is a never ending supply. Ego prefers clinging to everything that passes by, either by embracing it with full on affectionate attachment or pushing it away with repulsed rejection and thereby summoning the tar baby effect.

We lead full and complicated lives both together and separately. We both have two income generating, energy and time consuming jobs; nine children; 14 grandchildren; one mother with Alzheimer's; books to read; films to watch; concerts to attend; Enlightenment Intensives; Yoga class (that we keep missing due to other engagements); friends to visit; lovers to love; not to mention toilet bowls to scrub and taxes to prepare. We've continually got piles of work sitting in our pending boxes, waiting to be processed. We've go lots of communicating to do!

Sometimes I think that perhaps the burden of my sharing is too much. But I've learned to share without the ulterior motive of judging Jerry or manipulating him to change. My ego knows how to do this well--"If I share with him how much this hurts me then surely he will stop doing it." Maybe he will and maybe he won't, that's not the point of communication. I don't really want him to change (most of the time anyway) what I really want is to share my truth of the moment and to be understood. And notwithstanding the fact that we take gentle care of one another's hearts, he and I are both getting better at holding on to self rather than kowtowing to the other's fears. I'm gaining more insight into the covert motivations and strategies that attach themselves to my truths in order for my ego to feel safe. As I share my secrets with Jerry with an open heart, including my strategies and ulterior motives, I notice that my "ego needs" lessen their death grip and their power over me is loosened. I'm learning to use communication as communion. I share with an open heart in order to be received with an open heart, without judgment or opinion, to be welcomed and understood by another and this helps me to better welcome and understand myself.

The point of sharing is for the information to leave the realm of the mind and to enter into knowingness. The mind fills up with things that are not fully experienced, integrated and understood. Thoughts and feelings, all those little things left unsaid become suspended in our minds, stuck in our bodies and then build walls between people, barriers between hearts which start to feel unsafe and close down. Full on, unadulterated communication that is fully received, clears the mind and one becomes ready to directly experience the truth of oneself and the truth of another.

Yes, today I was having a wave of recognition of the power, the blessing of mine and Jerry's relationship. We have created a special communion with each other through communication. I've experienced the truth as a sacrament. Our journey has been profound. We do good work together. We make great love. Great sex too.