Onward

So onward with this process of integration. Basically I'm just being more mindful. Nothing is much different really except I feel different. Lighter.

I am lighter too. I've been losing some weight, not lots but probably dropping a pound or two a week. I'm eating way different and my body is enjoying it. I was carrying 10 extra pounds for a year and then another 10 on top of that for another year and my body wasn't liking being that heavy. None of my clothes fit me and that's been a bummer.

But this lighter feeling I'm talking about isn't really about my weight. Dropping the weight is nice but my psyche feels lighter, my mind more at ease, my ego calm (relatively speaking) and my body moving more energy through it. I'm wanting to breathe my body more and do more yoga, opening those stuck places. My stomach is enjoying being fairly empty for a good portion of the day but also enjoying food and then feeling satisfied when full, but not too full when it's been hungry and then well fed.

I'm called to clean and declutter my house and I'm doing more of that, bit by bit.

I'm feeling pulled to peace. There is a peaceful warrior inside of me that is rebelling for peace. A peace rebel. My ego is bumping against this in defiance but it's not an all out war, just a mild resistance, a testing. It's almost as if my ego is feeling safer, more at ease. Taken care of, like a child who is contained by appropriate boundaries.

I feel good. I feel strange in a mellow sort of way. I'm not pushing myself to "be good" or "do better", I'm just being more mindful of my inner urgings and making more conscious choices.

When we stop running away from what presents itself in each moment, our loving
care for ourselves and one another can flow unimpeded.--Jack Kornfield

Ideas For Facilitating Integration of Body, And Ego With Self

For More Fulfilling Blended Beingness

Body: Experience emptiness. Eat less. Eat well. Yoga. Breathe more. Tantric breath/self pleasuring. Sex. Walk in nature. Massage. Rolfing. Drink water. Dance. Bathe with ritual.

Mind: Meditate. Contemplate. Be mindful. Less rational mental masturbation and more being in the moment with the energy of what is. Mindfulness of thinking, dropping my stories. Experience Emptiness. Segment intending. Organize and declutter. Experience nature.

Ego: Dropping stories that don't serve the peace rebel. Experience emptiness. Segment intending. Connect with others as purpose, creating bridges of friendship. Object of communication is understanding. Be truthful. Be in nature. Be responsible--use my ability to respond.

Self--Who and What I am--What another is--What love is--What life is. Intend to directly experience the truth. All else is false identification with ideas, concepts, memories, emotions, and old unprocessed gunk.