I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about wanting what is and he told me that that doesn't work for him because he is an agent of change. I've been sitting here contemplating what this really means to me and how to explain it in words that will facilitate clarity.The night before last I found myself thinking of the Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,Acceptance is currently one of the foremost precepts of my spiritual practice. Not only accepting what is, but wanting what is...no more than that, loving what is.
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Lines from various songs keep popping into my head. From the Rolling Stones:
...you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you might find, you get what you need.And from Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young:
If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.I loop round and round with this what I want versus what I need thing. It's a part of my daily life, and like breathing I try to do it consciously. I'm down with wanting. I like desire. I have no problem with my preferences because I came here into the physical realm to play, to create in my own special and unique way. I'm all about opening myself up as a channel for God to pour through this little ego of mine and the life I'm creating.
It seems to me that God creates through my desires (I've discussed the problem with attachment to my desires in past posts.) My wanting has a divine purpose--it's so God can play. Fair enough since in the big picture I am God, or as my friend would say:
Or as I would say:God Is Not Another
meMeME
My job is to open to God's desire and God's job is to either fulfill that desire or not. The fulfillment part is not my concern. From what I've observed so far, I'm figuring that I get what I need, whether I get what I want or not. Much of what I've learned so far comes from paying attention and adding up all of my 20/20 hindsight from over the years. It amazes me how often I get stuff that I think I don't want and it turns out to be so perfect in the end. I'm learning to have more of a wait and see attitude, not jumping to conclusions so quickly, just observing and trying to leave my judgments, evaluations and opinions out of the equation for awhile. When I release my resistance to what is, I keep noticing that seemingly negative circumstances often transform into something awesome. Sometimes what I get is stuff that I never even knew I wanted but once I have it I can't help but appreciate its incredible rightness.
And as for the if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with antidote? Well, this evolves beyond relationships with people. This is my intention for meeting all of life as it presents itself to me. If I can't be with the one I love, (or if I can't have what I want right now), I'm finding that it tends to serve my purpose to love what's right in front of me, what I'm with in the moment.
Ok, so this takes me back to what I said earlier about my foremost spiritual practice of
Accepting What IsThis is where my friend said I lost him in the translation when I was trying to explain the natural progression of accepting what is as it evolves into wanting what is and then into loving what is. It's all the same to me. Sometimes I find it difficult to take what I know and organize it in my mind in a way that I can then connect it to words that reveal the true meaning of what I'm trying to get across. Ah, the sweetness of communication.
Wanting What Is
Loving What Is
As for being an agent of change, many of us see things in our personal lives and relationships, in our communities, and the world at large that we would like to change. I sure have my own favorite causes and this is what I've learned so far that relates to creating any change I would like to see, starting with my personal life and stretching out the world:
My place of power is in the moment. Eckhart Tolle would call it the Power of Now. This moment is the only reality that exists for me. Right now is what is real. This moment is the truth. Therefore, whatever I am faced with in this moment is the truth that I must deal with. The truth of this moment is my power spot, my launching pad to create my future world, my vision of the way I would like things to be. The only way I can get what I want in the future is through wanting what is now. That's the connecting point. Wanting what is is my power. Loving what is right here, right now in this moment is the way I meet the present moment with kindness and compassion. Loving the truth, whatever it is is the connective glue. This truth is reality. Everything else is an illusion. How could I want anything else besides the truth? Love is all there is, therefore if I resist what is, I am resisting love. And I'm all about loving more, poly girl that I am.
4 comments:
Hi Adrienne,
An interesting post but I wonder if what your friend said and what you said are really incompatible? I think seeing yourself as an "agent of change" means that you want the future to be different, you want to have some impact on something.
If you are loving now and also want to be an agent of change, I would think it means loving what you are doing now for change than loving what you think the end result might be. Loving the process of being an agent of chnage without living for the outcome.
As a writer, it took me a long time to realize that it was more important for me to love the process of writing and rewriting and developing than it was for me to love being published. The first few times I was published it was really exciting but then you realize that the publishing part is the end and it's actually the process of it all that you have to love because that is was the writing is mostly about.
To me that would be the same for chaning things, living in the experience now of trying to change things rather than feeling empty now because that change had not yet happened.
Best,
Emma Kelly
Hi Emma. Welcome! I'm trying I read your meaning correctly, that you see what he said and what I said as incompatible?...or maybe that they aren't really incompatible?
From my perspective they are definitely not incompatable. I find my most powerful position to be an "agent of change"/to have the greatest impact/to make the future different is through loving what is right now.
And it seems to me that it starts even before "loving what you are dong now for change"...rather it starts first by noticing what I want to change and secondly and probably most importantly for me, being with/accepting/wanting/loving that thing before it changes and before I start doing anything to effect a change.
Only after fully embracing what is, I then start doing whatever I decide to do to create the change. And yes, it's exactly what you said "loving what you are doing now for change" (it's the process that counts) rather "than loving want you think the end result might be." This is living for the outcome (it's reaching the goal that matters.)
Y"Living for the outcome" seems to be the big problem for me. It's beautiful for me to want change and to be an agent for change but it's being attached to the outcome that creates problems for me.
Of course it's a great experience when I actually reach my goals and get what I want but that is not the point really. That just takes me down the path of only being happy when I reach my goal (get what I want) and being unhappy when I don't reach my goal (don't get what I want.)
It's the creative desire, the purpose to make the world a better place, (or to make more money, or have multiple orgasms or whatever) and then to engage in the process.
Outcome the part that is out of my hands.
I like your analogy of being a writer and the importance of loving the process. Being published of course is great and exciting but...
If I feel empty now because change has not yet happened I will always feel empty because there will always be something else to change, another goal to work for. If I'm just loving the process I'm always filled.
It's all a matter of where I choose to put my focus.
Thanks for sharing.
i think what your friend doesn't get is that you are an agent of change by being able to meet each moment in front of you so wholeheartedly.
i would say such a person can be a most effective agent of change. you can't fight, and don't try to fight, what is, but you can change your own response to it.
now here i'm thinking aloud: if an agent of change tries not to meet what is with peace and love, but to change it regardless, there must be some bit of force in that, and that force, that aggression, cannot help but contain some violence, and violence will be met with resistance. now i know if i'm going to be that pacifistic about it, i know there is no avoiding some kind of violence. but i would say, if we meet what is with love and kindness, not trying to politicize but being true to ourselves as well, we can truly meet each other, and effect change based on real human interconnections.
Hi Heidi, good to hear from you! How is your dad? Hope all is well in your world.
Well, it's difficult to know what another actually gets and doesn't get. I think semantics often gets in the way of our understanding. My friend is a pretty enlightened guy and from my experience with him he seems to meet a lot of his moments pretty wholeheartedly.
It's difficult not to interpret so much of what is going on in the world, such as the war in Iraq, and so much needless human suffering, the degradation of the environment of our lovely plant etc. and not want to focus on change. And change happens, for better or worse. I sometimes focus too much on the problem rather than the solution and this is when I get lost. I do that more when I'm clueless as to what to do. In that case it's probably best to just breathe! I find that the more important something, or someone is to me, the more difficulty I have in accepting what is, loving what is...when it's just not what I want. It's very weird wanting something and not wanting it at the same time. One of the great paradoxes of human existence I'd say--if you happen to follow this path as I do.
People get so confused. Not long ago I witnessed a confrontation between one of those "women in black" who stand in silence protesting the war. She was with another woman and they both held peace signs. They were standing outside our downtown farmer's market and then started walking through the market. I have a friend who sells organic wine there and she had a poster of a naked woman covered in grapes holding a wine bottle suggestively. As these women walked by, one of them took offense and verbally attacked my friend and started harassing her with her opinions about objectifying women, on and on. She was incredibly angry.
It was quite the sight to see, this woman in black with her peace sign, making war in the middle of the market. Someone actually called the police on her and they had to ask her to leave.
She obviously cared about peace a lot (enough to dress in black and try to take a silent stand for it) and yet when she saw something that threatened idea of what peace was, she just couldn't meet her moment. It's difficult to handle fear.
It's also difficult to know how to go about effecting change too. And how the heck can one love the war in Iraq?
Well I get it. Meeting the moment without resisting it is often what this love is about. Not that it's easy. I can love in many difference ways and when I'm lovingly connected to it I'm then in the best position to work to change it if I deem it needs changing.
I agree with you, resisting it is violent. Resisting what is is making war with the truth, denying love. We do this because of fear don't you think?
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