True Blood and Twilight

Mistress Matisse writes about vampires, blood, True Blood, and Twilight, in the Control Tower here. 
I'm definitely a True Blood fan myself. Gimme some of the Bill and Sookie love anyday.

Still Juicy

Back from Juicy Women.

Molly likes to stretch out on her yoga ball. She loves the way it opens her yoni. The other day while she was stretching her husband came over and started eating her pussy as she rocked back and forth. They enjoyed this for a good long time and then just as they started fucking a friend showed up at their front door--which they had left open, seeing that they hadn't planned on having sex and weren't expecting any visitors! Molly was mostly out of view although her husband was not after he dropped down, allowing his shirt to cover his genitals. He smiled and said hello to the friend as she returned his greeting and explained she was just picking something up and was quickly on her way.

Lena has been feeling intense sadness, isolation and loneliness. As she told us her story we witnessed her pain and held her in our hearts. By the time group was over she felt much more connected and happy.

Rosemary is on a pretty even keel. She's happy and content with her husband...mostly. She's happy and content with her lover...mostly. She'd like more contact with her lover. More time to relax into their relationship and more time to relax into sex. When they finally do spend time together she is just starting to open up to herself about the same time they are saying good-bye. This makes her edgy and this edginess spills over and interferes with her sexual availability with her husband.

Randi is back, once again with her married lover. They keep breaking up and getting back together, breaking up and getting back together...They are totally in-love and caught up in New Relationship Energy. They are having sex just about everyday and she is having the most incredible orgasms of her life. They want to be together but he doesn't want to deal with the pain of breaking up his 30+ year marriage and all the social consequences he will suffer. Randi is willing to have a polyamorous relationship with him but he can't imagine that. This leaves them sneaking around and cheating.

Pema is still with her guy. Loving him. Confused about where it is all going. Not having her needs met sexually as she is still choosing to be monogamous with him although they are living many hours apart and hardly ever see each other...not that he meets her needs sexually when they are together. She's tired of putting energy out for others, drained, needing to be rejuvenated, loved, filled.

Ana is still in love with her long distance guy and slowly letting him go. He isn't ready to commit to the intensity of their love affair, plus he has an intense sexual issue that he has no clue how to deal with and the timing is simply not good for them to be connecting on a frequent and intimate basis. She is sad over this but is enjoying her life full on. She has another lover who is in a committed relationship with a woman who won't have sex with him so he and Ana are taking their sexual pleasure with each other. She says he is a really nice man who has an awesome cock and beautiful body but that she still needs to teach him a few things about pleasing her.

Sexual Boredom

A friend called today and asked me to talk to him about my experience with boredom in sexual relationships and if I thought polyamory could serve as a release valve of sorts, such as the little gizmo in the top of a pressure cooker that releases the built up pressure. As if having more than one lover could serve as stress relief for the primary relationship. I told him, I thought so, yes.

I think this is one of the benefits of polyamory--of having more than one outlet to express one's sexuality. Especially for people who have high libidos and/or who like to engage in a variety of sexual practices that perhaps don't match up to their partner's. Even people with pretty mild sexual interests and middle of the road sexual drive can tend to get bored with just one sexual partner, even when they are still deeply in love with that person and enjoy a fine sex life with them. This is pretty common actually.

My friend has been in his monogamous marriage for several years. He loves his wife and tells me that they have some decently hot sexual encounters, fairly frequently. Even so, he is starting to get bored because not only is her libido not as strong as his, she isn't as adventurous in bed as he is and she has no interest in going to the places he would like to explore. He has talked to her about his craving for more variety and his desire to open up their relationship but this upsets her to no end and she will have none of it. He doesn't want to cheat on her, or get a divorce. He loves her, enjoys having sex with her, but he is starting to feel confined, bored, and resentful.

I hate the way the monogamous mindset holds a partner sexually captive. And I hate to be cliche here, but who likes to eat the exact same type of food everyday? For most people, that would get very boring very quickly. Monotony sets in and people can start taking each other for granted when things don't get stirred up a bit. The stability of some routine in our lives is comforting and necessary for our mental, emotional and physical health, but also, and please excuse another hackneyed phrase--variety is the spice of life. More than one significant other in our life offers cross pollination. They make life more exciting and more than that, they make us more exciting as individuals. We learn more, grow more, and love more. Different lovers teach us to love differently. And we in turn pass on some of this different loving to our other partner. There doesn't have to be anything "wrong" with one partner/relationship for another partner/relationship to be "right." They can both be right. They can both be beautiful, sexy, enjoyable, special, worthy of our time and love.

So back to this release valve metaphor--having more than one lover can certainly serve to relieve pressure in a relationship because one person doesn't have to be all and do all for you. Having more than one lover tends to encourage more acceptance in each person as an individual with diverse needs, desires, and ways of being in the world. There is no need to focus on some specific lack with one partner/relationship because where one partner doesn't cover it for you, another may provide.

You've heard the saying, it takes a village? What if it takes a bouquet of lovers?

You want to know how it will be,
Me and her, or you and me.
You both sit there, your long hair flowing,
Eyes alive, your mind still growing,
Saying to me: What can we do,
Now that we both love you?
I love you too. I don't really see,
Why can't we go on as three?
"Triad" by David Crosby