Boundaries Based on Lies

Tonight Pema and I gave our first talk in a monthly series of Conscious Relationships, Conscious Sex talks called Sexuality as a Spiritual Path.  I think it went very well.  Twelve people showed up, 8 women and 4 men.  Today I read from a book called, The Enlightenment Imperative, given to me by my friend Lena.  It's written by, The Syntropy Group and edited by Mary Beth Brangun & James Heddle.  It's my opinion that the book isn't very well written.  The words are static and there is no fluidity to the reading.  When I finish with a short paragraph, I never know what I've read.  I have to back track and break it down.  But the information is good.  I like what they say about sexual maturity as "...an attitudinal maturation that recognizes and affirms the many forms that loving, openhearted, mutually affirming, and nurturing relationships can take."  I will write more on this later but for tonight I'm tired and need to curl up next to my husband and sleep.  And dream.

I worked on my Solstice Image Box some more tonight and added my second image.  It's an old Eastern Indian art picture of Radha Krsna that I found in my storage that I planned on burning in the solstice fire.  But then the image called to me, so I saved it.  Tonight, after the talk it seemed even more fitting, representing my passion for all that polyamory means to me--an opportunity for transcending the constraints of my wounded ego, boundaries of jealousy and possessiveness I have built, based on lies.  This divine couple represent celebration of the erotic and the cultivation of love, open-heartedness, kindness, compassion, and the shared pleasure of lovers which is the foundation of spiritual evolution.

Celebrating Life

My shoulders are sore and tired.
I finally washed all the dishes.
Have most of my Christmas presents finished.
My house is messy yet again.
I've been bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.
Started another cycle on day 25,the day before Solstice
when heading into the longest night of the year.
Deep red flowing blood. Lots of it. This is day three.
Happy to see both of my birthday boys today.
Worried about the other two.
Need to visit with my mom tomorrow (today, it's 1:26 am)
and give her a manicure so her nails are clean and pretty for Christmas Eve.
Excited about the way the grandkid's presents are turning out.
Missing my eldest daughter.
Thankful for the one who is around and being sweet.
Pleased to be seeing my brother and his family
and glad they are always willing to make the drive in the dreaded Tully fog.
Wish I would hear from my sister.
Wish I would hear from my eldest son.
Happy to be spending a mellow Christmas day with H.,
and then being invited for Christmas dinner with my sweet ones.
Boxing day brings some party time with Lover Who Is My Lover and his family, friends.
Giving thanks.

Birthday Lovers

Some current pictures surrounding my 55th birthday celebration--

My 54th year was interesting to say the least.
I've moved into my 55th with lots of love and acknowledgment from my friends. Also with some emotional trepidation. This is the year of the Lovers--#6 for me. A friend offered me this reading:

Starting with a poem by Anais Nin

The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it creates intimacy and intimacy creates understanding and understanding creates love.

Yes, understanding is what I'm going for. Understanding of self. Understanding of another.

The Tarot Lovers is about the Art and Craft of relationship. I just set up my arts and crafts room...hummm.

The Lovers journey is about the journey of the twins. This represents whoever I'm in relationship with and what those relationships require:

A child like innocence. Now that's sometimes hard to come by. I feel a bit tainted and cynical--but not totally. Just somewhat glib now and again as I move throughout my days.

Curiosity and playfulness. Yes, I have that--sometimes. I'm also tired. Tired of the struggle. Wanting things to be easier.
Loyalty and commitment. This I have and it seems very natural and easy for me. Once I love you, I love you. I don't tend to give up on relationships.

The gift of spaciousness--the allowing of space for contemplation, introspection, and the need for being alone.

The lover's need for not being limited, restricted, barred or restrained in their relationship. This feels like a huge challenge for me. Very BIG.

Another quote from the I Ching--Book of Changes:

But when two people are one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze; and when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong like the fragrance of orchids.

The Lovers represents two kinds of love. Love as passion and love as compassion. This archetype reminds us that whatever type of love relationship we enter into, sincerity is the only proper basis for forming relationships of any kind.

The lovers is the most peopled card in the entire Tarot. This year is about establishing relationships and perceiving what's working and what's not working. It's about using my people skills and choice making. This is a powerful period for making choices about improtant relationships in my life, especially those I would like to deepen and expand. My desire to not be barred or limited in my relationships is strong. This is related to family and friends as well as lovers.


Pictures:

1. My solstice freedom ritual which was the start of my birthday celebration.
2. A Rumi poem--Fish don't hold the sacred liquid in cups! They swim the huge fluid freedom. I'm swimming.
3. My new haircut
4. My hair burning in fire sacrifice.
5. Sunflowers growing in my friend's garden.
6. More Sunflowers.
7. I've been enjoying lots of margaritas. This was dinner the night we saw the Neville brothers in Tahoe.
8. A wish.
9. Charles Neville. I love a man playing the sax. It is so fucking sexy. And Charles always gives me lots of eye contact at their shows. Such a treat.
10. Aaron Neville singing his heart out.
11. Papa Funk--Art Neville.
12. Concow Lake.
13. One of my grand babies asking lots of questions about angels.
14. I am not a well behaved woman by society's standards. Thank God.
15. Lake Alamanor.
16. The steps I must take to be a lover?
17. July 6th birthday rose.
18. July 6th Feather River
19. July 6th on my friend's property.
20. July 6th...my friend's property.
21. My birthday prayer--Keep me wild lord, keep me wild.
22. My birthday skirts. High Sierra Music Festival.
23. Beauty. Prayer flags. Always prayer.
24. Grace Heart.

La Bahia to Tatagata Tea Ceremony

It's been a nice day. I got a lot done. I even got a nice walk in at lunchtime. It was hot outside too. I picked up the Dust and Illusions tickets today for a Burningman documentary that I'm helping promote for a local screening. I printed up a few posters too. I was hoping to go see Star Trek with Lover Who Is My Lover this evening but that doesn't look to be happening so I guess I'll be staying home and hopefully will motivate myself to get some much needed work done. I'll have a house full of guests this weekend and a big birthday party on Saturday. We'll also be seeing Michael Franti in concert on Saturday night!

My trip to Santa Cruz this weekend was relaxing. The perfect weekend get away. We left in the morning and arrived on Friday with plenty of time to settle into our motel room before taking a nice leisurely stroll through the boardwalk, along the beach, river and train tracks. We also stopped by La Bahia where some friends of ours live but I had left their phone number on the computer so we weren't able to connect with them at that point. I had hopes that maybe they would spot us in their courtyard where I was taking pictures but that was a long shot that didn't happen. I did get some great pictures and our friends said that was a good thing because La Bahia will probably only survive another couple of years.

We eat dinner at the Greek Festival in downtown Santa Cruz and afterwards we, well, lets see, humm...Friday night was lot of fun. We perused downtown Santa Cruz and then made our way out to the Wharf. We stayed out walking until quite late, enjoying the sights and sounds and the cool ocean breeze. When we finally made it back to our hotel room we continued enjoying the night.

Saturday morning we walked along the ocean again and J. connected with some street/beach front musicians for a little drumming. We finally caught up with our friends (yea for facebook reconnects!) before heading to Ben Lomond, which is situated in the Redwoods about 10 miles north of Santa Cruz, for the annual Tagataga Tea Ceremony. It was a small gathering with only nine of us this year. Very sweet and intimate. We arrived at our friend's, Forest and Elaine's house around 1:00 p.m. Elaine served us snacks while Forest delighted us with different wines. Elaine is a chef extraordinaire and she prepared us a lovely early dinner. After eating we settled into the living room for tea ceremony. Tatagata Tea Ceremony is based on traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony except that no training is needed. Japanese Tea Ceremony is very rules oriented whereas Tagataga tea ceremony is very heart based, the goal being to make a cup of tea while being in the moment and connecting intimately with others. That we did!

Forest and Elaine and many of their friends are old hippies from way back when. Forest traveled to Japan with Alan Watts back in 1962 which is where he originally learned Japanese Tea Ceremony. He and Elaine live in the same place they did back then, when it was a commune. They raised their children there, remodeled, moved around a bit and then settled back in to make quite the beautiful live for themselves. Forest was one of the first computer geeks from back in the day and at age 72, he is still doing computer programming from home.

Sunday morning I went for a lovely walk through the Redwoods and we shared a lovely breakfast together before heading back to our respective homes. Late Sunday afternoon I did some grocery shopping and then had a nice visit with my mother. I read her The Song Of Hiawatha by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

...Toward the sun his hands were lifted,
Both the palms spread out against it,
And between the parted fingers
Fell the sunshine on his features,
Flecked with light his naked shoulders,
As it falls and flecks an oak-tree
Through the rifted leaves and branches...

J. made us dinner. I drank a strong dark beer and washed clothes. Life is good. Oh yeah, another up and coming blog post these is Informed Consent versus Full Disclosure in poly coupledom.

One Heart Ceremony

We performed the One Heart Ceremony at the Endangered Species Faire today, in the rain. The performance happened on the stage without the puppets rather than out in the middle of the faire on the ground with ten times the space. We had to adapt a lot and the scraps on the cutting room floor were piled high. But the show must go on whenever possible and we made that happen. It was what it was and it was awesome, if not the full shebang. We were delighted to perform and the audience (those hardy hardcore souls who braved the weather) was pleased too.