Jealousy on the Road to Burningman

Wow. The last five days have been full. The small of my back is hurting like crazy too. That rarely happens anymore.

Spirit House was fabulous. It's this beautiful retreat center in Marin County. Several acres with goats, two dogs, a cat, fruit trees, hot tub, yurt, labyrinth, and a beautiful home that sleeps 15 plus people (with the pads in the yurt 10 or 15 more easily).

I was the Chief Monitor for my first Enlightenment Intensive. This means that my job was taking care of all the physical needs of the participants and of the space itself as well as monitoring the dyad communications. I became the fire tender as it got very cold in the yurt at night and early in the morning. This means I was up at 5:15 a.m. making a fire so everyone would be warm when they arrived at 6:15 for their first dyad of the morning. I enjoyed that a lot, making the fire in particular and being in service to others in general. We had 6 participants and 5 staff. Our two cooks were incredible so we shared some really wonderful food during our eating contemplation for those 3 days. Everyone worked hard on their questions--mostly, Who Am I? It was a very sweet Intensive. I was in an altered state by Sunday night. It was good for me to experiencing the Enlightenment Intensive from another perspective.

I arrived home yesterday and after visiting with my mother, pretty much rested for the rest of the afternoon until our daughter and her baby (Jerry's youngest daughter) showed up to visit for awhile. She's here for two weeks with our youngest grandchild and has been staying with us and her sister who lives in town. It was good seeing her and the little one.

We had pre-playa dinner with our Burningman camp mates last night, figuring out dinners and how to best arrange the camp. A new friend offered to make me a tutu with green tea leaves for Tutu Tuesday.

I was overcome with jealousy during the dinner and it was interesting for me to experience. I noticed what was going on and just witnessed the sensations. It was all about fear and me not getting what I wanted. I realized how attached I was to a particular something and when I perceived someone trying to take that away from me I didn't like it at all. I felt very threatened by another and protective. I talked with Jerry about it last night and that helped. This is not the way I choose to live. I'm pretty much back in my acceptance mode, happy to allow others to do whatever they need to do to take care of themselves but my dander is still up a bit. Grrr..."back off bitch"... It's hard when I want certain things from the people I love and get attached to them going along with my plans--wanting the same thing that I want. But dammit, other's have minds and needs of their own. Imagine that.

Some sweet wonderful friends of ours are in town and last night another group of friends got together for dinner to visit with them and we missed seeing everyone. They are stopping by this morning though and we are going to walk around town for awhile before they leave. I'm going to go make myself a soy matcha latte and clean up the house before they arrive.