The 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. 

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: 

He leadeth me beside the still waters. 

He restoreth my soul: 

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake. 

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: 

He leadeth me beside the still waters. 

He restoreth my soul: 

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; 

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me: 

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;Thou annointest my head with oil; 

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, 

and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

I visited with my mama this morning and was reading some of the grimmest passages out of the bible.  At one point she says to me, "He's really scolding someone."  Yes, talk about a fucking angry God.  Sheesh.  I wasn't sure she could be of any help but I asked for some guidance with the Psalms and she said the 23rd.  My mama knows her bible.

I don't think anyone would ever confuse me with a Christian, bible verse loving, girl but I've always appreciated the 23rd Psalm as well as a few others (even though I rarely care to remember what book the verses come from or how to recite them verbatim.)  I know the 23 Psalm has always offered my mother comfort.  My grandmother too. 

God damn have I been in the pits, or "the valley of the shadow of death" wouldn't be exaggerating none.  I'm just having a difficult time snapping out of it.  After visiting with my mom, I took myself out for a some shopping therapy.  First I hit World Market for some wine and fancy pasta.  K. got me a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for my birthday that I really enjoyed and I was hoping to fine another bottle of it and I scored.  I also found a cheap bottle of white wine for the olive oil, garlic and wine sauce I'm making with two of my granddaughters for our veggie pasta dinner tonight.


Then I hit Costco and found a bunch organic raspberries and blackberries, a bottle of tequila and organic blackberry sorbet popsicles.  I also bought myself more reading glasses because there is a reading glass elf in my house who steals my glasses in a similar manner as the infamous sock stealing elves who live in most people's clothes dryer.


I'm still depressed but oh well, at least I got out of the house and I am looking forward to the overnight visit with my granddaughters who I'll go and pick up in a couple of hours.


Plus my sweetheart is coming to stay with me for a whole week.  OMG I'm so happy.  I need her so bad.  Or is it badly?  I know my command of the English language is atrocious.  Does my awareness of that make it better or worse?  I swear, I am getting English for Dummies ASAP!


This writing is making my life bearable right now.  Again, I'm sorry to be so pathetic.  I can barely stomach my own victim hood but I just can't seem to pull myself out of it.  If feels like someone took a crap on my karma.  Now I wonder who that could be?


Plus what really sucks is that I can't figure out if my awareness of what a truly blessed life I live, is making me feel better or worse.