Disappointed

Five hours of sleep after being up for 39.  I've been lying awake for a couple of hours watching my ego make up stories.  I am so triggered.  Why did you ask me if I feel old? I'm pretty flipped out about being old right now.  I'd like to crawl out of my skin.  I haven't cried in 6 hours.  Hopefully my eyes will be a bit less puffy today.  I need to be to work at 7:00.  I don't know what I'm feeling right now.  Sideswiped.  Depressed.  Confused.  Dumb.  Mostly numb.  But Aphrodite is waking up.  I notice her in the background with her "Fuck you, how dare you!" attitude.  She is prideful.  And pissed.   Mostly I'm just tired and my heart hurts.  I'd like to go to sleep and either not wake up at all or wake up having this all be an awful dream.  I'm so disappointed.