Passport To Freedom

I was planning on going to a summer solstice party that my friends have every year in Butte Creek Canyon but Pema came by to visit and then we went to see D. and B. and they ended up feeding us dinner and we drank wine outside watching the incredible cloud formations in the pre-dusk sky.

Pema and I came home, Jerry showed up, and the three of us watched a film called The Boy In The Striped Pajamas, about a young boy in Nazi Germany. Intense.

Pema left, Jerry went to bed and I started gathering things for the completion of my Solstice-Freedom ritual. I had saved my hair that I just cut off with the intention of burning it. I didn't have a specific plan for my ritual, besides something simple, but it got more and more elaborate as I started collecting stuff and carrying it outside. I ended up dressing in ritual garb and making up a nice comfy bed to sleep outside.

I didn't want to get too much into my head. My body was pulsating and the energy was flowing nicely. I lit some various candles and burned lots of incense. I anointed myself with amber/rose oil and drank cognac. I listened to some music--Bonnie Raitt singing I Will Not Be Broken was really speaking to me. I brought out my passport, a book of Rumi poetry, and the novel I'm currently reading called Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon.

Bonnie Raitt-I Will Not Be Broken:

That was then this is now
Found my way back here somehow
I knew you'd have to let me go
I told you once I told you so

Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be...

Someone other than who I am
I will fight to make my stand
Cause what is livin' if I can't live free
What is freedom if I can't be me

Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken

I won't let you near it
I will let my spirit fly
Fly
High
Oh take me down

Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But we both know I'm not going

I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be... no no baby
ooh...

From the Outlander:

Nor was the physical the only dimension where the two men varied. There was nearly fifteen years' difference in their ages, for one thing, which likely accounted for some of the difference between Frank's urbane reserve and Jamie's frank openness. As a lover, Frank was polished, sophisticated, considerate, and skilled. Lacking experience or the pretense of it, Jamie simply gave me all of himself, without reservation. And the depth of my response to that unsettled me completely.

The Essential Rumi--Coleman Barks

What is this giving up? A peace that saves us.

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems
You dance inside my chest,
where no one see you,
but sometimes I do,
and that sight becomes this art.

I intended, felt my passion, let go, prayed, read, slept, dreamed. In the morning a light rain fell on me.