Tomorrow Is Today

I'm laying in bed reflecting on yesterday. What a day! I thought I had to start work back at the college so I was up early and then out the door and on my way. When I walked into my office my boss said, "What are you doing here?" Oops. I was a week early. I felt pretty silly. "You should look at your semester calendar" she said. Yep, I suppose I should. She was kind and acknowledged that for some odd reason the semester was starting a week later than usual.

It didn't take me long to get over my embarrassment and into the excitement of having an extra week of vacation. But on the way home I realized that I was all alone for the inaugural celebration so I called a friend and got myself hooked up so I had a hand to hold for Obama's speech. Wow. Here we are folks, in 2009. Old is out, new is in. Happy New Year!

Last night was Chico's Inaugural Ball. Jerry, Pema, K., and I attended together. It was a special night. I was really happy to be celebrating with my community and those I love best. After nearly 8 months the inevitable happened... Lover who is not my lover was there. Something inside of me knew that when I finally connected with him again, it would be in a public place and I had wondered how I would respond. Since he is my friend and I love him, I had hoped I would respond with an open and generous heart but there was nothing I could do to prepare for that moment. I knew I would see him and it would happen--my emotions would do whatever they would do and I would respond accordingly. Fortunately they behaved well and dutifully submitted themselves to my authority as I immediately suppressed them. I did not close down and was happy to connect to the extent that was possible in such a setting. When I told Pema of my encounter she looked at me with that deeply penetrating and knowing look and asked me how I was. When someone knows the truth on that level it's dangerous--I felt the tears well up on their journey from my gut to my eyes. I halted them. For now I'm good, I told her. Tomorrow I will cry.

Tomorrow is today and it's a lovely one. I love my life.