I Am Filled--A Very Lucky Girl Indeed

I'm feeling so happy today. I just finished doing some yoga and eating. Before that I was cleaning and decorating the house, attempting to make it festive. It's still a mess though--slowly but surely. Jerry got us a Christmas tree today and that really made me happy. Getting the tree and decorating is Jerry's department. My job is to put the lights on and hang a few choice ornaments. Once it's up and shining I always enjoy it but I'd probably skip the tree if it was up to me. This year in I was feeling particularly bah humbug about getting a tree. I didn't want one. You see, last year lover who is not my lover invited Jerry and I up to his land to cut our Christmas tree and it was the most beautiful tree we've ever had. That made me really happy but this year I've felt a little sad and sentimental when I started seeing trees because its reminded me of how close and connected I felt to lover who is not my lover last year and how this Christmas we've had no contact in almost 7 months.

But that's just a story and I'm only a little attached to it. Here is another story I like better: It was late to be getting a tree (the day before the Winter Solstice) but Jerry was really sick for a week so he was incapable of putting his energy into tree hunting as he has just been needed to get well physically. I was sort of thinking, oh good, maybe we won't even get a tree this year (he was leaving for Harbin Hot Springs today) as Christmas is right around the corner. Then I starting feeling guilty for my attitude about the tree because I know how happy having a Christmas tree makes him. I was thinking I should go find a tree while he is gone so he'd be surprised when he got home. But no need, he found a tree at the Farmer's Market this morning and carried it home and we put it in the stand together before he left. Now I have the tree all lighted and I've hung 3 ornaments on it, and the rest are waiting for him upon his return. He'll put on the Christmas music and have a big smile on his face while he hangs ornaments and I think I'll help him hang more ornaments than I usually do and everything will be all warm and cozy. That thought makes me smile.

Tonight I'm going to the Holiday Burlesque Show at the Chico Cabaret with friends and then I'll drinking some wine and soaking in a hot tub afterwards, sharing a little holiday cheer. Tomorrow is the winter solstice and I'm going to a friend's dance studio and celebrating the returning light with a group of folks. When I get back from that I'm taking my two boy's out to a champagne brunch for their birthday. One is turning 22 and the other 30. My solstice babies, born on the same day, 8 years apart. The next day my 30 year old flies to Colorado to pick up two of my grand children to bring them back to spend Christmas with us.

I am filled with love and appreciation for my life. For my family and all of my dear friends. For lover is not my lover and for lover who is my lover. For my clients. And for Jerry who is my family, my friend, my husband, my lover. I have so much sweetness in my life. I am a very lucky girl indeed. I give thanks.