Knocked For A Loop

So much sadness I can't sleep.  Yesterday it oppressed me like a heavy blanket.  I attempted to just be with it without attaching stories.  The tears kept running down my face as I moved throughout my day.  The reasons are obvious.  My son.  My mother.  My granddaughter.  K.  It's been over a year since K. told me he wasn't sexually attracted to me and didn't want to be my lover and I still haven't gotten over it.  And yet I'm not really depressed over that.  The disconnect I experience with him sometimes just knocks me for a loop.