Grief Bubbling Up-I Am Not Alone

I am a contradiction of emotions and yearning.
Happy. Sad. Wanting. Content.
Tears come easy these days.
Grief bubbling up.
I push it down.
Love. Fear.
Each moment a choice.
Fear. Love.
Overwhelmed.
Seeking balance before I topple.
I'm so good.
But not doing so well.
I need to rest.
What would that look like?
Major decision for this day-
Should I pull the covers over my head
and cry before I crawl out of bed?
The water's already on for my coffee.
Husband takes care of me.
I need to ask him for a really good massage.
I give thanks for family and friends.
Their sweetness sustains me.
I am not alone.