The Truth Will Set Me Free

My path is to be present with Another. To be available for connection. To tell the truth as it arises. And I do this mostly, but not always. Not all of the truth. Not the pieces of it that ego warns might not be in my best interest to reveal.

Mine is a path of truthtelling. A path of openness and vulnerability, a path that risks all for transparency.
And yet I sometimes fail to disclose the truth when I sense the possibility that speaking it might not get me what I want. Part of me wants to keep silent and keep the possibilities of the unknown alive.

But what I want most of all is the truth! Don’t I? Yes,
Definitely! But…

Lately I haven’t been speaking all of my sexual truth. I withhold this truth from Another. I don't speak of the
high state of sexual agitation I often exist in due to my attraction and strong desire combined with the sexual reserve that I am met with.

I often wonder if I'll ever let go of this and just move on with my life. Well, truthfully, I am moving on--I'm not actually stuck waiting for anything in particular to happen, for change to occur. Am I? But I certainly am stuck wanting. Desiring. Yearning.

And I try to ignore it mostly, this sense of not having what I want. I practice wanting what I have. Knowing
I have just exactly what I need and ignoring my ego stories. I focus
on keeping my heart open and staying out of my mind.

Yet in my silence I sense a fear of rejection. I wonder if
I do not fully disclose what arises for me because I don't
want to face the truth of what may actually be? And
I ask myself, how could I never not want to face the
truth? That’s so ridiculous.

And then there is what seems to be this silent wisdom that
knows the truth can't be confined to words and actions.
That this truth I hide somehow rests on higher ground. I'm
not really hiding the truth, I'm keeping it safe, holding it to be revealed at the proper time. And yet I suspect ego as a trickster here,
lulling me into the silence of mystery. Denying me the words
that will set my heart and loins free.

He Did Not Leave After Kissing Me

It was a busy week for me at the college getting in graduation applications for my students. I've been enjoying my daily walks down by the creek everyday that I'm out there, not letting the Beware of Rattlesnakes sign to detour me. It's so beautiful there and I felt deprived when I allowed my fear to turn me back.

Thursday and Friday was lots of busy work, taking care of my mom, paying bills etc. I also saw a number of clients in my private practice throughout the week with lots of polyamorous movement happening there.

Patrick and I took another trip up to our friend's place where our Enlightenment Intensive, a 3-day residential retreat, will take place on May 1-4. We did a thorough walk through of the house and property, getting a clearer idea of exactly what we need to get together between now and then. It's a lovely big home situated right on the creek in the midst of many awesome acres. We've lost our cook for the Intensive and that has been taking a fair amount of energy, seeking out the appropriate person to fill that role. We haven't secured anyone yet, although there are several prospects. A saving grace good friend who is considering attending the Intensive has agreed to cook for us if push comes to shove and we don't have anyone else so that does take some of the pressure off.

Jerry played Irish music at our local pub on Friday night and I was down there socializing with various friends and I ran into someone who might be willing to cook for us so that's promising also. A bunch of my girlfriends who I used to play pool with on a regular basic showed up and that was a pleasant surprise as I don't them very often anymore. And my sweet best friend Pema, who sadly (see big frown and pouty lips) is moving soon, showed up for some of the music and then she, our friend Donna, Jerry and I went and shared a really yummy Thai dinner. Then Pema came over and hung with us at home for awhile.

On Saturday I did some grocery shopping for my mom and ran around taking care of errands. Then I got to go hang out with Pema at her house for a few hours. Truly, I can barely cope with the thought that she is leaving. On one hand I'm happy for her and content in my knowing that this is a good thing in the big picture but in the little picture, she is leaving me and I'm going to miss her so much I don't know what I will do with myself. It makes me very sad and I think I'm going to be very lost without her. Both of my best women friends will have moved so many many physical miles and hours away from me. I don't like it.

On Saturday evening Jerry and I were invited to dinner at the home of some new friend's. They are a lovely couple with a sweet daughter that we've been getting to know for a little while. Dinner was delicious and the company was superb. Besides soaking in the hot tub, we entertained each other with music, singing, poetry, and all sorts of stories and conversation. I enjoy them both a lot. As I write this I'm smelling the most intoxicating smell from the Frankincense incense they gifted us with.

Jerry and I went out to breakfast this morning and then went and hung out at Barnes and Noble for a hour or so before attending a friend's memorial service. I found a new book of poetry I bought called Love Poems From God--Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West by Daniel Ladinsky. He translates 12 different poets such as Rumi, Hafix, Kabir, Mira etc. Here are a couple of my favorites:

One day he did not leave after kissing me.--Rabia

God said, "I am made whole by your life. Each soul, each soul completes me."--Hafiz

Then we went to J.C.'s memorial service which was simple and sweet. We got to sing several gospel hymns which I knew from my childhood years growing up in various Christian churches. He was one of Jerry's best men at our wedding. A sweet guy that worked for Jerry for years. He was 75 and died of emphysema.

We came home and cleaned house while Jerry played a new Bruce Springsteen album. We have tickets to see him next Friday night at the Arco arena in Sacramento. He's a Jersey boy like Jerry and neither one of us have ever seen him in concert so that should be fun. We went for a nice long walk today also and now I'm writing and relaxing and soon Pema is coming over to visit and watch some Sunday night t.v. with us.

Who Am I? (Six) or These Tastes Of The Divine

What on earth is going
on in Australia? Is
ConFest anything like
Burningman?

There seems to be
a strong connection
between spirituality
and sexually over in
them there woods.
It's just that I'm on this
spiritual/enlightenment
forum with all these
folks from there and
there is sure a lot of
mention about sexual
energy in a way which
is very different than
most spiritual groups
I am aware of.  Am I
reading more into their
comments than is really
there, projecting my own
desires and making meaning where there is none?
Or making A LOT of meaning when there is only a
little?

Ok, I looked ConFest up on Wikipedia and here's
what I found.

Who is this that is making the meaning?  Who is this that fears her thoughts?
It's not that I don't get the connection between sex and enlightenment because
quite frankly, that is a huge part of my path at this time in my life.  But
there seems to be a whole community of "dyading tantrikas" over there, people
who are not afraid of their sexuality--or at least those who are confronting
their sexual energy and are willing to experience the truth of it.

I often feel so isolated in my openness, in my quest for like minded others who
are actually interested in sex as a spiritual path and who are willing to jump
on board for the ride of their lives--opening themselves to experiencing the
truth of sex and love and living in relationship with others.  So many others
here in my hometown, in my little universe, seem so repressed in their sexuality
and relationship styles.  Although I am happy to announce that I have recently
been opening to allow myself to come into contact with more interesting
individuals who are wanting more openness, intimacy and sexual truth in their
lives. And, I'm so happy that my private practice is filling up with these types
of folks also.  I committed awhile back to serving this population and they are
seeking me out and finding me.

I don't hide my path from others and I'm blessed with many good friends who are
beautiful people who accept me to the best of their ability.  I do feel loved.
And yet why is most everyone in my life so hopelessly monogamous?  And I'm not
just speaking about monogamy as to who people are fucking although that is of
course what it means. As I use the M word, I realize that I mean it as
pertaining to a whole lifestyle, a mindset and general way of functioning in the
world.  People tend to be so exclusive with their hearts and their sexuality.
So much privacy and closure.  So much fear, or at least a complacency to live in
a relational box.

I don't mean to get into other people's business and judge their path. We've all
got to find our way and my way isn't necessarily the right way for Another. It's
just that I get lonely sometimes.  A lot of the times. I so appreciate my husband,
along with several sweet friends, my juicy womens' group--all who share so much
openness and truth with me.  I am finding many who are opening to this adventure
of experiencing more than one sexually loving relationship simultaneously, and
that warms my heart and excites my sexual energy center.

How can I express my gratitude?  How can I explain how intertwined my sexuality
and chosen style of creating relationships is with my spiritual path?  I ramble
on and yet...this is so big for me.  My heart throbs and bursts open.  I feel the
energy swirling in my chest and solar plexus.  I yearn for the sweet presence of
Self as I meet the sweet presence of Another.  Sometimes I can hardly stand the
separation until we meet again.  Until we have the opportunity to gaze into one
another's eyes and meet, soul to soul.  I yearn for this.  I seek this always.
And it's only grace that allows me these moments, these tastes of the divine.
This is nothing about sex and everything about sex.

Lucinda Williams---Passionate kisses

Shouldn't I have this--Passionate kisses from you?

Abraham-Hicks Crop Circle Grail Activation

This is a message from some of my most favorite teachers. Just a suggestion--take this opportunity to slow down and breath. Relax into the moment for 10 minutes and listen to this message.

Matt Mcbride and Red Horizon at the Crest Theater

One minute and forty seconds into this video you can see Jerry doing a drum solo. This is from a coule of years ago when they opened for Strunz and Farra. The band was hot and the crowd loved them.

I Want To Kiss Them All

My girlfriends tease me and say I'm too picky. I consider myself discerning. There are lots of men I like as friends and enjoy their company--engaging in sweet banter and serious talks with. But I just don't tend to be sexually attracted to many of them (women either for that matter.) But currently I am very pleased with myself. I have seven men I'm daydreaming of. I'm excited because this is so rare for me...

Well, besides my husband. I like him a lot. I love him madly.

Well, and this one other man who stole my heart several years ago and whom I love dearly.

Then there is this other one who lives far away and he's been a bit of a sweet playmate in the past but circumstances have changed and all but I still like to think of him and reminisce, and imagine that maybe again one day...

Then there is this one I'm intrigued with and wonder of possibilites.

Another is a sweet presence.

And one is a pure silly crush. Yes, a crush that I know will never go anywhere but he is so cute and he flirts with me too, just a little.

And then there is the one whom I just want to kiss. To have an extended make out session with.

Come to think about it. I want to kiss all of them. A lot.

I have no use for divine patience -- my lips are always Burning and everywhere. I am running from every corner Of this world and sky wanting to kiss you--Hafiz

Who Am I? (Five)

This connection to love is so powerful. The presense. Understanding the grace of Another. Of Life. This love that is so peaceful and strong and reminds me who I am...I am this sweet peacefulness. I am also this gentle yearning. This insistent yearning. This consuming yearning. I must have that which I am. This is the connection I seek, I relish, I live and breathe in this body for. This is what I'm doing here. I'm doing. Me. I am the one doing this. It's so clear that I am who I am. I just am here, being, wanting this connection--no, being this connection. I am the one searching for words to convey the beauty of being in the presence of Another, of being in the presence of Self, of being Self. I am so blessed.

Who Am I? (Four)

I'm procrastinating. Bored with so much busy work. Lots to do. A sense of overwhelm. "Get Busy!", that voice chastises me inside my head. I ignore it. Who is the one chastising? Who is the one ignoring? Who is the one resisting any and all agendas? I want a personal assistant. A manager that organizes all of it and guides me to get it all done. Someone not pushy but persistent. Someone who does all the busy work and tells me what to do. Time to meditate. Take a walk now. Call this person, here's their number. Someone who pays my bills, fills my car up with gas, cleans the junk out of it, washes it and takes it in to be serviced 2,000 miles ago. Why is there always so much waiting for me, weighting me down? Who is this one experiencing the pressure? I am here. Right here. Right here now. Nothing matters except that. Except what? Except the one who knows. I know. "Just do the fucking work already!" OK. Who said that? Said what? Which one am I? This is crazy talk. Crazy thoughts. I'm going to work.

Who Am I? (Three) or Mixed Up In The Mush

I get all mixed up in the mush. I struggle with Ego. Open hearted Self, shining, connecting, experiencing presence with Another. Ego wants to impress, create a favorable storyline, worries that one wrong move will sever the connection. Ego notices (or makes up) two, three, four, five...wrong moves. Walking on egg shells...why can't I just relax? What will happen if I let go?

Spiral Earring

Spring Has Sprung

Happy Easter, Equinox, Spring, Full Moon, and Beautiful Sunny Days!

Wow, what a weekend to end a busy crazy week. It was my spring break at the college so supposedly I could have worked 24 hours less than usual but I think I worked about 24 hours more. I had a lot of catching up to do on my errand list. I took my mom to the dentist, in for blood tests, to the doctor, and we took tours at two different assisted care facilities. We've finally settled on the one that suits her best so now it's just waiting for something to open up. My private practice is busier than usual and along with that I've been looking for a cook for our Enlightenment Intensive as well as getting other things together for it. It's only five weeks away and time is flying as usual. We lost our original cook so that has been a bit disconcerting, looking for someone at this late date. I'm not worried about it, just busy putting the word out. I think I've found someone now so that's a relief.

On Friday evening Jerry and I went down the street to our local Irish Pub for a beer, a little music and socializing with friends. We have a good friend who's into the whole Couch Surfing phenomena and she
had two sweet, young, vegan, feminist, anarchists staying with her from Arizona so she invited us over for dinner to meet them. They had some great pictures to share from
the Farm Sanctuary, in Orland, where they had volunteered their work for a couple of days. She is one of the best cooks I know--somehow I'm very fortunate to have several friends who cook exceptionally well and love to feed me. I am definitely blessed. It was nice to hang out with her for the evening.

Saturday morning was the Farmer's Market and we got a call from a friend to meet him for coffee and then vegetable shopping. I had a date with him to roast vegetables that evening so I knew I was going to be well fed once again. We got our coffee and vegetables and Jerry played some music at the market as he often does with a wonderful little band called Secund Naychur. I picked up an organic Pinot Noir at my friend's wine booth to go with our fish and veggie dinner for that night. She and her husband have a lovely family vineyard just up the hill from Chico along with a wine tasting room. The rest of Saturday we spent running here and there to buy a wedding gift for a friend's sons wedding, twin bed sheets for our Enlightenment Intensive, grocery shopping for my mother, etc. Then Jerry was off to play Indian music at a fancy Sikh birthday party and I was off to my dinner date with my new friend. We had a lovely time making dinner together and chatting, getting to know one another better. He is a very sweet man and I enjoyed his company a lot. Jerry showed up later after his gig and we ended the night with a nice soak in the hot tub under the waning, rising, full moon.

Today was Easter which meant meeting some of my kids and grand kids at the yearly benefit for the Peace and Justice Center's, Pancakes for Peace. It was a great turn out and it's always nice to run into lots of different friends from the community that I don't see too often otherwise. Jerry played music there also. After breakfast picked up my mother and we all met up at the park for our traditional Easter picnic. We eat and relaxed and the kids played with their toes in the cold water. We walked around in the sun with my mom in the her wheelchair and she really enjoyed her day and I felt happy about that. After dropping her off at home, Jerry and I had an early evening date with another daughter and set of grand kids. We brought pizza and chocolate eggs for dinner and played with the kids until we were totally worn out. We got home just in time for The L Word and our good friend Pema, who is soon moving away, stopped by to watch the show with us. I've partially unloaded the car, washed some dishes and a couple loads of clothes, and now Jerry and I are lying in bed--I'm blogging and he's reading.

Wow. What a week! Tomorrow I'm back to work at the college and I have a stack of graduation applications to turn in by Wednesday along with several letters of recommendation. I have three days to squeeze in all this work, in the midst of seeing students who are feeling desperate about what classes they need to register in for in the fall.

Spring has sprung, energy is swirling, life is busy and beautiful and I am grateful for having an abundance of love to bask in these warm sunny days.

Who Am I? (Two)

I'm excited. Waiting for the universe to unfold before me. No worries, no fear. Excited anticipation for the next unfurling petal, the taste of dripping dew nectar. I feel intense and yet calm desire. Deep penetrating yearning to connect, to be present with life, with Another. Love is creeping slowing but steadily behind me, I sense it sneaking up on me and I allow it to play its game.

Who Am I? (One)

I notice this very patient presence, which seems like the "Big Me". I'm like a doting parent dealing with an impatient wayward child, loving, calm, waiting for the opportunity to lend a helping hand; while this other part of me, the child, the "Little Me", throws tantrums and runs hither, to and fro, full of frantic energy. Who I am is in this little child, the strong desire, pushing me on, the excitement of experiencing life and being in this body. I am both teacher and student. All at once, I know and I'm learning what I know. I am life jumping into life. I am the life doing the jumping and I am the life being jumped into. I am so beyond all of this and I am right here in the midst of the chaos. Actually, I am in the eye of the tornado which is a very calm place to be. I exist, therefore I know that I Am.

An Evolving Spiral Of Creativity

All day I've had this anxious energy in the core of my body, centering in the solar plexus and expanding outward. This energy is sexual in nature and feels like jealousy although I'm not jealous. I am stirred up with the anticipation of possibilities. I'm feeling very open, without fear.

What's coming up for me in this moment is the tendency we humans often slip into, putting pressure on the ones we love. It's too easy to get lost in expectations for Another to do our bidding, meet our needs, to be there for us even at the expense of being there/here for themselves.

Several years ago I got attached to the idea of being a low-maintenance friend--wanting to be a haven for my loved ones, a place of refuge and inspiration rather than a harsh task master at a high stress job. Not that relationships don't take a lot of focused energy and attention because they certainly do. But relational work must come from an internal devotion to Self that radiates outward, rather than an external motivation of pleasing, or simply "keeping the peace" with Another. We need to gear our relationships to work for love, rather than than hogtying love to work for our relationships. The later suffocates love.

When we allow fear and ego strategies to take the lead in our relationships, they manhandle us into into a descending vortex, a devolving spiral of entrapment and indentured servitude. Love struggles to survive in this environment. It feeds on freedom, its wildness, when welcomed by acceptance and trust, expands into an unlimited expression of possibilities, an ascending vortex, an evolving spiral of creativity and joyful service to Another.

A Perpetual Feedback Loop

I was a major control freak a good portion of my adult life. I became more and more aware of this tendency when I was in relationship with my youngest son's father. He was a total control freak too.

I was a very controlling mother. I had these strong ideas and beliefs about life in general and motherhood specifically. I thought it was my job to teach my children how to be in the world and to make sure they followed suit. Strong minded and willful kids that they were, there was a lot of head butting going on in our home.

I've been diligently working to release my pathological need to control others (children, partner, family, friends, various relationships and life situations) for many years now, with more and more conscious awareness during the last 14 years, while in relationship with my sweet husband, Jerry.

My perceived need to control arises from fear. I had a a lot of scary things happen in my childhood and I had been taught well by the controlling adults in my life. My childhood was one where it was unsafe to be authentic and tell the truth. I perceived myself as a victim of others, those in my own family as well as my community at large. I wanted what I wanted from life and the only way I saw that happening was if I could control others and anyway that I could weasel myself into a situation and cause some effect, hopefully in my favor, I went for it. Of course, I did most of this unconsciously--I didn't realize I was trying to control others.

I was always a very spiritually minded person, always seeking guidance from above, below, within, without. I wanted the truth and I struggled to see a glimpse, hear a whisper, feel a divine touch. But ultimately, I was out of control, or I should say, my ego was in control and it constantly made up stories that scared me and whipped me into submission. Submission to my ego means, Fight for your life! Get on top! Hold your place! You must be in control at all cost!

As the years went by, I started learning the art of non-resistance, the grace of letting go and releasing the illusion of control. It's been quite the journey.

Here's an excerpt from a little book called Compersion by Deborah Taj Anapol--

Jealousy and Control

Jealousy often masks a fear of losing control. Jealousy can be both a strategy for controlling your beloved and a reaction to your failure to maintain control. Ego wants to be in charge so he can feel safe. Ego finds it hard to believe that the only real safety lies in giving up control to Higher Self, to the Soul, to the Tao, to God/Goddess, to the Mother of us all. So jealousy comes to bring your fear to the surface. What a gift.

Do not make the mistake of entering into a power struggle with your beloved. Instead, use this opportunity to see how your controlling nature keeps you from knowing who you really are.

Seek the balance point by communicating your truth and asking for what you want. Be willing to accept "no" for an answer. Trust your inner guidance to show you another path if the one you are on turns impossible rocky. Release control and you will be given what you truly need. No matter if it doesn't look like what you think you want.

I notice, that the more I allow myself to feel my fear and then communicate it, it releases. I know I am receiving what I truly need and one thing I'm noticing is that what I need keeps evolving more and more into what I want and vice versa. It's a perpetual feedback loop. Releasing fear releases the need to control and increases the love I experience in my life.

If You Have The Eyes

It's amazing how the emotions vacillate. Mine have been all over the map lately. Happy, sad, jealous, compersive, anxious, content, disappointed, excited. It's been valuable for me to remember that while it's imperative for me to experience my emotions fully, I must also take a step back from them without attachment. Now that's a tricky thing, allowing the full expression of emotions to course through my body while not identifying with them. I am not these different states of being. I am the one who is experiencing them. Huge difference.

My life is up big right now. My mother, my kids, my husband, a variety of other relationships, various engagements and commitments to what I'm doing in the world. Some of this life stuff is really fun, some not so fun... As in the words to "Casey Jones" from Robert Hunter and the Grateful Dead--

Trouble with you,
Is the trouble with me,
Got two good eyes
But we still don't see.

These things of my life are not me either. They are my moments. I'm constantly in the process I'm meeting my moments, either full on or half-heartedly. Who I am is the one meeting these moments and if this Who isn't fully present, my moments aren't fully met and I'm missing out on my life. I want to show up more, to abandon my culture's embarrassment of dancing with the divine. I yearn to reveal myself to another, to all others, with full on open hearted awareness of our attraction to love and to be loved.

From the book, Rumi--Gazing at the Beloved, Will Johnson put together these words from some of Rumi's poetry--

Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me, even just once,
with those drunken eyes.
I've become crazy, insane
From your drunken eyes.
Amazing trees
Grow from one seed with your look.
Open your eyes
And look at me carefully.
If you have the eyes, look and see.

Sweet Thisness

Lots of sexually loving energy swirling around in my life right now. Lots of relational movement. In dyad with a friend this morning, I was contemplating the question, What is Another? and my moment was filled with the sweet thisness of both Self and Another. I am awed at the beauty of this creative presence.

Picasso's Crying Woman and Me

He didn't think I'd cry; get jealous; have waves of anger rush up. I write about compersion don't I? He doesn't like hurting me and yet he's more than willing to hurt me for the opportunity to be alone with her. I understand. I suppose. It's the same for me. But he's never wanted to leave me behind before, to choose to spend his time with someone else, rather than me. He takes to this like a duck to water. I told him I'd do the same to him, in a hot second. And I would. I have. He didn't think it was funny when I told him I'd rather he be the one left alone and crying. I was joking. Kinda sorta. Didn't I say awhile back that I was sick of theoretical polyamory?

Here are a couple of quotes from something personal that I was reading today. They are private and I haven't asked permission to print them so I'm not honoring the authors.

"The ego (identification with the mind) can only survive in secrecy, tension
and hiding. Exposing the personal and the personality is exactly what
brings about its purification and fruition."

"What you bring forth will save you, what you don't bring forth will destroy you'.

So I share this stuff and expose a small piece of my vulnerability, my breaking heart that is willing to crack open in order to love more.

The Missing Car

At 7:30 this morning I was trying to leave for my work at the college. Keys in hand, I looked up the street and down. Humm. Where's the car? Maybe I parked in the alley? I crossed through my side yard and into the alley. No car. Ok. Back to the street, I looked up the street again, then down. Still no car. I called Jerry who was already at work. "Baby, I can't find the car. I'm standing out here in the street and our car is gone." Humm...he says. What did we do last night? "We went to the show and saw The Savages." Humm...he says, the car is in the parking lot over there, we left it there last night. Sheesh, is that a senior moment or what? The theatre we go to is just a few blocks from our house and we always walk there, but last night we were out in our car and it was late so we just drove there. When the show got out we walked home as usual. Jerry and I won't need those matching t-shirts that old couples wear, we'll have matching memory lapses instead. Ah, it's sweet to have a partner to grow old with. Fuck.

Meeting The Moments of Life

Meeting the moments of life.

Embodiment Of Self

What Am I?

We've been having beautiful weather and I've decided to not live in fear of rattlesnakes anymore. At least for the time being because it's been interferring with my lovely walks by the creek.

Contemplation today brought images of The Buddha as the perfect example of embodiment. Buddha was the perfect blended being--both physical and non-physical merged into one without separation. Just look at pictures of The Buddha. Does he not emanant human perfection? Is his body not a divine temple radiating Self? I was realizing myself as that which fills and permeates my body.

Then I went for a little skip until I was worn out and gasping for breath. I realized my fear of death in that gasping, the desperately sucking in of life force to save me. Then I realized that I was the breath I was gasping to be filled with. I became the breath and the fear left me.

I am that which I seek.

Prana is vital to my Embodiment Of Self.

During my last vist to Harbin Hot Springs, I was attracted to a book called Emobodiment--Opening Your Body to Consciousness by Andrew Yavelow and so I purchased it. The book is dedicated to the Trager community.

In this book embodiment is defined as the practice of being in your body. That makes sense--bringing Self into the body, bringing full presence, like The Buddha. One of the first things this book teaches is how to open your body to breath. "If there is one thing you do throughout the day to consciously connect yourself more immediately and fully with your body, do this: take a full, deep inhale and exhale. And another. And another..."

Tilda, John, and Sandro's Yoni's

Here's a little more on Oscar award winning Poly Girl Tilda.

Anita Wagner has a great blogsite called Practical Polyamory.
She recently linked to sex educator, author, artist, Betty Dodson's site, where Dodson features Sandro Kopp's Genital Art Gallery . I'm a sucker for yoni art. You can check out Sandro's own website here. You can check out Betty Dodson's home page here.

Here are three of his featured yonis. Can you tell which one is the virgin, which the pregnant woman, and which the mother?

I've also posted a picture of Sandro Kopp, Tilda's artist lover and also of John Bryne the father (I believe I misquoted before as he is supposedly not her husband) of her 10 year old twins.

A Swirling Spiral of Communion

Today I had 50 minutes of walking contemplation by the creek with no rattlers shaking their tails at me.

What Am I?

What kept arising in my consciousness as I intended to experience the truth of what I am and opened to my awareness of the moment?

I am what fills my body and brings it to life. I am the earth that moves under
my feet. I am the pleasure of the warmth of the sun and the
refreshing cool breeze on my skin. I am nothing and everything. I am all
of this and more.

I saw a triad, one woman and two men, sitting together on the bank of the creek, enjoying one another's company in playful conversation, and later walking together. I love threesomes. The energy of three creates such a powerful stimulation, a swirling spiral of communion. I thought of me and Pema and Ren, of me and Buddhapest and Ren. Of possibilities.