First and foremost, do the right thing. When Silver goes off to Portland with Tom, I kiss her goodbye, and wish them both a good trip, and take care of her cats while she's gone. Sometimes it feels good, and sometimes it doesn't, but I (try to) act like the person I want to be, not the person I feel like at the moment.
Matt wrote this back in 2006 on his Sex With Matt Blog. I read it back then and then happenstanced upon it again today and decided to post it.
Click here to read the whole Poly Is Hard post.
Here's the link to his blog.
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7 comments:
Geez A...That's just what I needed to read just now.
Life has dropped me into a Triad...Did I mention to you?
Oh boy, oh boy...its really hard.
*sighs...* So was a good post to read. Thank you for linking it. *smiles*
It seems sad that he has conflict in his life to the point that he is acting how he wants to be instead of just feeling what he feels and being with that.
Greenwoman, I have heard just a bit and have been wondering how it is going now. We should email so I can really catch up on situation. I'm thinking of you often and sending you love.
Foxy, I don't think that "acting how we want to be" is mutually exclusive with "just feeling what we feel and being with that" too. I do that a lot. Sometimes I feel jealous and I just allow myself to feel that and be with it totally--allow the energy to move through me and try not to add a bunch of crap to the story, conscious or unconscious (usually both) that has me interpreting the energy I'm experiencing as jealousy in the first place.
But while I'm feeling jealous, possesive (or what have you) I'm definitely watching and controlling, consciously choosing the type of behavior I want to engage in. I often act how I want to be--open, loving, receiving, generous, etc. even if I'm not feeling particulary open, loving, receiving, generous, etc. in the moment. Kinda like "fake it till you make it" or like, it's ok to want to strangle someone, just not okay to actually do it, sort of thing. ;) I ask this of my husband too. It's not about not about not totally feeling and talking and sharing the emotions that are there because that is of course the number one rule. But also, in the moment, sometimes it's most respectful and compassionate to just be kind...and not only for another person, for myself. Acting like who we want to be I think, is a good thing...as long as later we can confess to someone how awful we really felt and the terrible we wanted to do! ;)
while I agree to a point about acting how we WANT to be,feel.I think the conflict is there for a reason and should be paid attention to....conflict is the sand in the clam.... which may or may not produce a pearl..
"I think the conflict is there for a reason and should be paid attention to....conflict is the sand in the clam.... which may or may not produce a pearl.."
Exactly! I totally agree Foxy. The conflict/contrast is the powerful point where healing, awareness, takes place. That is exactly where we focus our attention. And yet, not pour salt on the wounds or feed gasoline to the flames...it's tricky sometimes. I love that, "conflict is the sand in the clam". You got it girlfriend. ;)
The links you have posted here are not current. Do you have valid ones?
Thanks for pointing that out Pagan. The links worked when I originally posted them. I'll check it out when I get some more time.
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