tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-691912277439597451.post1008695990749235089..comments2023-10-29T04:01:18.634-07:00Comments on Tell Me What Another Is: Soul Soothing IntimacyI AM ANOTHERhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00882623359526462907noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-691912277439597451.post-56923813580127588582008-09-12T08:08:00.000-07:002008-09-12T08:08:00.000-07:00You are such a sweetheart Scott.You are such a sweetheart Scott.I AM ANOTHERhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882623359526462907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-691912277439597451.post-29536051963809368252008-09-11T18:01:00.000-07:002008-09-11T18:01:00.000-07:00Hi Adrienne,I agree with everything you said and a...Hi Adrienne,<BR/><BR/>I agree with everything you said and appreciate how you expanded on my comments and clarified things.<BR/><BR/>Best,<BR/><BR/>scott<BR/>Mrs. Kelly's PlayhouseEmma Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08482090452557045055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-691912277439597451.post-3563183817516786252008-09-10T08:58:00.000-07:002008-09-10T08:58:00.000-07:00Thanks for your comment Scott. Yes, a big piece o...Thanks for your comment Scott. Yes, a big piece of the truth is that we never really know if telling the truth will create intimacy with another or, as you say, a total collapse and midlife cataclysm. But like you, I do believe that it takes us where we need to go to be a whole person. And with relationships that are truly based on telling the truth, I do believe that in most circumstances it creates intimacy. I guess we never know for sure though until the truth is actually told.<BR/><BR/>Your point about telling the truth to another, a truth that may unglue the stability of their life is a valid point. I guess for me and where I make the distinction is that, I don't go around telling people the truth about their lives that is none of my business--such as telling a girlfriend about her cheating husband for instance. Also, there are certain things that my mother or children or clients or acquaintances don't need to know about me and that the telling of would probably create emotional distance (or just simply make them uncomfortable) rather than create intimacy so those types of things are perhaps better left unsaid.<BR/><BR/>I don't actually hide that type of stuff but I don't generally throw it around in people's faces either.<BR/><BR/>But if someone should ask me for the truth, well I tend to think I own they something. But there are some distinctions I make around this and it's not always simple to know what is appropriate to disclose. For instance, if my friend asked me if I knew anything about her cheating husband that would be very difficult for me because on one hand I don't want to gossip and most all of what I know about him is second had information (yet very good sources that I totally trust). But somethings were told to me in confidence. How would I respond to her? I suppose I would say something to the affect of "honey, you are not a stupid woman and if he is cheating on you, there is a part of you that knows this already. I'm sorry but I have nothing to share with you." Now that's not very clear is it? If she really pushed it with me after that I would probably tell her "people talk, people gossip, I have heard things that I am not at liberty to repeat." <BR/><BR/>But if I had had sex with her husband I would tell her to talk with her husband and then come back and talk with me after that if she still felt the need to discuss the matter. This information may indeed unglue the stability of her life but maybe in this case it needs to come unglued. She's asking for it.I AM ANOTHERhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882623359526462907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-691912277439597451.post-89128642661079662842008-09-10T07:16:00.000-07:002008-09-10T07:16:00.000-07:00Hi Adrienne,I've read the Brad Blanton books as we...Hi Adrienne,<BR/><BR/>I've read the Brad Blanton books as well and, like you, I'm basically an advocate of "radical honesty." But I have had two major experiences that turned out in completely opposite ways.<BR/><BR/>The first time resulted in the total collapse of my second marriage and led to my parents disowning me and to my eventual bankruptcy. A major midlife cataclysm.<BR/><BR/>The same truth told early to Em set the foundation for the strong relationship we have today. <BR/><BR/>In the big picture I believe that honesty takes you where you need to go to be a whole person. But I'm not sure that telling truths that may unglue the stability of other people's lives is always the right thing for someone to do. If in some way maintaining a lie affects your life negatively then I suppose you have to.<BR/><BR/>Difficult territoryEmma Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08482090452557045055noreply@blogger.com